Chapter 51

Inner Reflection | home

They all stared at Lance for a few minutes. "What happens when you break the rules?" Justin finally asked, his voicee quiet.

Lance licked his lips and bit his lower lip. He jammed his hands into his pockets. "I have to leave," he said, eyes glued to the floor.

All attention was definitely on him now. "What? For how long? Why?" Chris sputtered.

"That's just the way it is," he replied.

"As for how long?" It was a few minutes before he was able to answer.

JC shook his head and held Lance tighter. "No," he said. "You can't...you can't leave. I won't let you."

Lance closed his eyes, sinking into the embrace. He breathed in JC's scent. "You have to."

There was a knock on the door. "There's a message here for a Lance Bass?" someone said, sticking their head in the door.

JC felt Lance stiffen and he himself tensed up. "You're not leaving NOW, are you?" he asked fearfully.

"Not yet," Lance said. "They're probably just telling me that I'm going to have to."

"You mean there's a chance that you could stay?" JC asked, hope sparking in his eyes.

Lance didn't want to put out that spark, but he had to. He shook his head sadly and disentangled himself from JC's arms. "No. No one's ever been allowed to stay after telling a mortal that they're an angel, much less fall in love. My telling Joey was an exception." He sighed and opened the door. "I'm an exception to a lot of rules, but I highly doubt I'll be an exception to this one." He shut the door behind him.

"Joey?" Justin whispered. Joey turned to look at him. "What did he mean by that?"

Joey sighed and looked first to JC, then the door. "Exception? Well, he didn't have to tell me how he died. Nikolas did that for him."

"It was that bad," Joey said. "Don't ask him about it or he'll have to tell you."

Just then, Lance walked in the door, holding a piece of paper in a trembling hand. Tears ran down his face as he read it silently. "I'm going in two days," he said bluntly. It was all he could say.

"No," JC said, shaking his head as tears fell from his own eyes. "No. I just found you, I don't want to lose you..."

Lance drew in a shaky breath. "You'll forget about me," he said. "You will."

"No I won't," JC said, shaking his head. "How could I?"

Lance closed his eyes. "You will. Three days from now, the world will have never known about me. All the stuff they've bought will have pictures of someone else on them, all their memories will be replaced. That includes you guys." He swallowed thickly. "Anything that has to do with...me will be gone. Pictures, memories, even the songs will be different, I think." He opened his eyes and looked back at the paper. "That also means everything that was a result of me being here as a human will be gone...Josh, your arm will be fine. Justin, you'll feel better, but you'll think that your appendix came out a long time ago. It was supposed to be removed eventually anyway."

"What about you?" Chris asked, looking out the window.

"Will you...forget too?"

Lance shook his head. "An angel's memory can't be erased. I'll still be watching Joey...but that means I can still see you all whenever he's around you guys." Lance looked at JC, his love, and couldn't take it anymore. He collapsed to the floor in a fit of sobs. JC sank down to the floor as well, and enveloped him in a hug. He didn't really think he'd forget Lance; they'd spent the last four and a half years together, how could he? But Lance was upset, and that's what mattered.

"Shh...Lance..." He buried his head in Lance's thick hair. "I'm sorry," He said.

Lance's head shot up, hitting JC in the nose. "What? For what? None of this is your fault..."

"I'm sorry for loving you," he said. "It's my fault you have to leave."

Lance's eyes widened. "I'm not sorry for loving you," he said. "I've never loved anyone before...or been loved by anyone before, and I'd rather have our time together than nothing at all. And this isn't your fault. I didn't ask to love you, but I do, and that's the way it is, and that's the way it will always be. We might as well make the best of my time left, right?" Lance jumped up, false cheeriness radiating out of him. Then he snapped his fingers. "And I...I'm allowed to give you all one thing before I go. A gift, in a way."

Chris' eyes widened. This was SO damn confusing. Lance had really been dead all this time. He was Joey's guardian angel. He was freaking DEAD. He'd DIED over a hundred years ago. But here he was. And now, he had to go back to...heaven? Because he'd broken the rules. He fell in love and told them what he really was. And he was leaving in two days, and telling them all that they'd never remember him. Their memories would be completely erased. That was weird enough. But now...he was giving them freaking PRESENTS? What the hell?

"Tomorrow," he was saying. Then his eyes widened. "Except for Joey. Joey...you have to...call Steve RIGHT NOW and tell him to go to a hospital. Or the doctor."

Joey's eyes widened. "What? Why?"

"Just do it," Lance said, urgency entering his voice. "Tell him you...have a hunch or something. Tell him he needs like...a blood test. Or something. Trust me." Joey looked at him curiously, but took out his cellphone and went to the other side of the room.

"What was that all about?" JC asked.

Lance shook his head. "Nothing."

JC tentatively knocked on his and Lance's door. Lance had been getting changed; they were going back to the hospital to see Justin again. The doctors wanted to keep him for at least one more night before they let him go. But he stopped when he heard loud voices. "You're a COWARD, you know that Nikolas? A coward."

"I don't think that's--"

"Oh stop and think for second. How in the world would YOU feel if you got a little note telling you that you had to leave your best friends, the life you love, and the person you love more than ANYTHING, in place of your mentor, your friend, telling you in person?"

"You weren't supposed to get this attached, James," JC heard the other, presumably Nikolas, hiss.

"What did you EXPECT? I've been watching Joey for more than twenty years. I've been around these guys for four and a half. What did you think I was gonna do? Hate them? Nikolas, you've been around a long time, but you don't have the slightest idea as to what you're talking about here."

"Respect, James, remember? You're not in the position to be questioning authority right now," Nikolas said icily.

"No, you're not. You just broke the two rules we had here!"

"Who are YOU and what have you done with the kind, understanding Nikolas I'm supposed to know? I KNOW I broke them. Contrary to what you may think, I'm not stupid. And I'm sorry for disrespecting you, but I don't like having you sling all of these OBVIOUS comments at me! I'm fully aware of the fact that I have to leave, all right? I know that. You don't have to tell me." JC heard creaks as someone sat on a bed. He knew he shouldn't be listening, but he couldn't tear himself away. "All I wanted was to be happy on earth. Is that so much to ask? And now, I've finally found happiness and it's all getting ripped out from under me."

"James, I understand what you're feeling. But you have to understand why we're making you leave--"

"No, Nikolas, you DON'T understand. You don't. I understand why I have to leave, you've told me that a million times already. What are YOU so upset about? You're not getting torn away from everything you love. You don't understand. You don't understand. Back then...before...When they were standing there...I wanted to die, Nikolas. I wanted nothing more than to die -- I wanted the pain to stop. I was waiting for them to kill me -- waiting for my body to just GIVE UP the way my mind had. I just wanted the PAIN to stop. But I wonder if this kind of pain is worse. So tell me, BOSS, why you sent me a note instead of telling me yourself?"

There was silence. JC shifted from one foot to the other, millions of thoughts and questions running through his head. "I'm selfish," Nikolas finally said. "You're one of the best I've ever had under me, and I've always wanted to protect you...especially after seeing you up there for the first time...after you'd...died. So why didn't I tell you myself? I didn't want to see you hurt. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well there goes that thought," Lance said bitterly. "Because you just did."


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Sent From Above Chapter 51 They all stared at Lance for a few minutes. "What happens when you break the rules?" Justin finally asked, his voicee quiet. Lance licked his lips and bit his lower lip. He jammed his hands into his pockets. "I have to leave," he said, eyes glued to the floor. All attention was definitely on him now. "What? For how long? Why?" Chris sputtered. "That's just the way it is," he replied. "As for how long?" It was a few minutes before he was able to answer. "Forever." JC shook his head and held Lance tighter. "No," he said. "You can't...you can't leave. I won't let you." Lance closed his eyes, sinking into the embrace. He breathed in JC's scent. "You have to." There was a knock on the door. "There's a message here for a Lance Bass?" someone said, sticking their head in the door. JC felt Lance stiffen and he himself tensed up. "You're not leaving NOW, are you?" he asked fearfully. "Not yet," Lance said. "They're probably just telling me that I'm going to have to." "You mean there's a chance that you could stay?" JC asked, hope sparking in his eyes. Lance didn't want to put out that spark, but he had to. He shook his head sadly and disentangled himself from JC's arms. "No. No one's ever been allowed to stay after telling a mortal that they're an angel, much less fall in love. My telling Joey was an exception." He sighed and opened the door. "I'm an exception to a lot of rules, but I highly doubt I'll be an exception to this one." He shut the door behind him. "Joey?" Justin whispered. Joey turned to look at him. "What did he mean by that?" Joey sighed and looked first to JC, then the door. "Exception? Well, he didn't have to tell me how he died. Nikolas did that for him." "Why?" JC asked. "It was that bad," Joey said. "Don't ask him about it or he'll have to tell you." Just then, Lance walked in the door, holding a piece of paper in a trembling hand. Tears ran down his face as he read it silently. "I'm going in two days," he said bluntly. It was all he could say. "No," JC said, shaking his head as tears fell from his own eyes. "No. I just found you, I don't want to lose you..." Lance drew in a shaky breath. "You'll forget about me," he said. "You will." "No I won't," JC said, shaking his head. "How could I?" Lance closed his eyes. "You will. Three days from now, the world will have never known about me. All the stuff they've bought will have pictures of someone else on them, all their memories will be replaced. That includes you guys." He swallowed thickly. "Anything that has to do with...me will be gone. Pictures, memories, even the songs will be different, I think." He opened his eyes and looked back at the paper. "That also means everything that was a result of me being here as a human will be gone...Josh, your arm will be fine. Justin, you'll feel better, but you'll think that your appendix came out a long time ago. It was supposed to be removed eventually anyway." "What about you?" Chris asked, looking out the window. "What about me?" "Will you...forget too?" Lance shook his head. "An angel's memory can't be erased. I'll still be watching Joey...but that means I can still see you all whenever he's around you guys." Lance looked at JC, his love, and couldn't take it anymore. He collapsed to the floor in a fit of sobs. JC sank down to the floor as well, and enveloped him in a hug. He didn't really think he'd forget Lance; they'd spent the last four and a half years together, how could he? But Lance was upset, and that's what mattered. "Shh...Lance..." He buried his head in Lance's thick hair. "I'm sorry," He said. Lance's head shot up, hitting JC in the nose. "What? For what? None of this is your fault..." "I'm sorry for loving you," he said. "It's my fault you have to leave." Lance's eyes widened. "I'm not sorry for loving you," he said. "I've never loved anyone before...or been loved by anyone before, and I'd rather have our time together than nothing at all. And this isn't your fault. I didn't ask to love you, but I do, and that's the way it is, and that's the way it will always be. We might as well make the best of my time left, right?" Lance jumped up, false cheeriness radiating out of him. Then he snapped his fingers. "And I...I'm allowed to give you all one thing before I go. A gift, in a way." Chris' eyes widened. This was SO damn confusing. Lance had really been dead all this time. He was Joey's guardian angel. He was freaking DEAD. He'd DIED over a hundred years ago. But here he was. And now, he had to go back to...heaven? Because he'd broken the rules. He fell in love and told them what he really was. And he was leaving in two days, and telling them all that they'd never remember him. Their memories would be completely erased. That was weird enough. But now...he was giving them freaking PRESENTS? What the hell? "Tomorrow," he was saying. Then his eyes widened. "Except for Joey. Joey...you have to...call Steve RIGHT NOW and tell him to go to a hospital. Or the doctor." Joey's eyes widened. "What? Why?" "Just do it," Lance said, urgency entering his voice. "Tell him you...have a hunch or something. Tell him he needs like...a blood test. Or something. Trust me." Joey looked at him curiously, but took out his cellphone and went to the other side of the room. "What was that all about?" JC asked. Lance shook his head. "Nothing." * JC tentatively knocked on his and Lance's door. Lance had been getting changed; they were going back to the hospital to see Justin again. The doctors wanted to keep him for at least one more night before they let him go. But he stopped when he heard loud voices. "You're a COWARD, you know that Nikolas? A coward." "I don't think that's--" "Oh stop and think for second. How in the world would YOU feel if you got a little note telling you that you had to leave your best friends, the life you love, and the person you love more than ANYTHING, in place of your mentor, your friend, telling you in person?" "You weren't supposed to get this attached, James," JC heard the other, presumably Nikolas, hiss. "What did you EXPECT? I've been watching Joey for more than twenty years. I've been around these guys for four and a half. What did you think I was gonna do? Hate them? Nikolas, you've been around a long time, but you don't have the slightest idea as to what you're talking about here." "Respect, James, remember? You're not in the position to be questioning authority right now," Nikolas said icily. "Oh, I'm not?" "No, you're not. You just broke the two rules we had here!" "Who are YOU and what have you done with the kind, understanding Nikolas I'm supposed to know? I KNOW I broke them. Contrary to what you may think, I'm not stupid. And I'm sorry for disrespecting you, but I don't like having you sling all of these OBVIOUS comments at me! I'm fully aware of the fact that I have to leave, all right? I know that. You don't have to tell me." JC heard creaks as someone sat on a bed. He knew he shouldn't be listening, but he couldn't tear himself away. "All I wanted was to be happy on earth. Is that so much to ask? And now, I've finally found happiness and it's all getting ripped out from under me." "James, I understand what you're feeling. But you have to understand why we're making you leave--" "No, Nikolas, you DON'T understand. You don't. I understand why I have to leave, you've told me that a million times already. What are YOU so upset about? You're not getting torn away from everything you love. You don't understand. You don't understand. Back then...before...When they were standing there...I wanted to die, Nikolas. I wanted nothing more than to die -- I wanted the pain to stop. I was waiting for them to kill me -- waiting for my body to just GIVE UP the way my mind had. I just wanted the PAIN to stop. But I wonder if this kind of pain is worse. So tell me, BOSS, why you sent me a note instead of telling me yourself?" There was silence. JC shifted from one foot to the other, millions of thoughts and questions running through his head. "I'm selfish," Nikolas finally said. "You're one of the best I've ever had under me, and I've always wanted to protect you...especially after seeing you up there for the first time...after you'd...died. So why didn't I tell you myself? I didn't want to see you hurt. I didn't want to hurt you." "Well there goes that thought," Lance said bitterly. "Because you just did."