Chapter 50

Inner Reflection | home

Lance walked into JC's room. JC shot up like a bullet and started blabbering the minute he saw his lover. "Lance...oh God...they said....they said it was a miracle that I walked away with just a broken arm and a cut on my head...because you sa-- Oh my GOD! You...there's nothing...you...you're okay...you...what...how..." Lance blinked. "You're not...dead, are you? Am I dreaming or something? Are you like a ghost?"

"You're not dreaming," Lance said, shaking his head sadly. "Remember what we were talking about before all this?" JC thought back and nodded. "I love you too. More than anything."

"Why won't they tell us what happened?" Justin fumed from his bed.

"J, calm down. I'm sure they're fine," Chris said, but he was pacing back and forth nervously. He tugged nervously on the bottom of his shirt. Joey chewed nervously on a fingernail. JC and Lance had left two hours ago, and then a doctor had poked their head in the door about fifteen minutes earlier, saying there had been some type of accident with the two, but they didn't know much except that the car had been totaled, and that they'd be back with more information. It was driving them all crazy. Justin's stomach hurt and he was cranky because the doctor wouldn't give him anymore pain medication. Then suddenly the door opened. In walked JC with a cast on his left arm, which was in a sling as well, and gauze or something on his forehead. Joey jumped up. JC looked very happy in his eyes, but was...confused too. Then they understood why when Lance walked in, looking at the floor...with no visible injuries. "Are you guys okay?" Chris blurted out.

"Wait...you...you...you're...fi..."

"Joey I have to talk to you," he said, looking up. They could all see his eyes were troubled. Joey wordlessly got up and followed him to the other side of the room. The others watched nervously and JC scratched the back of his head with his good arm.

"What is it, Lance?" Joey asked.

"I have to tell them," he said. "I have to tell them. Just so you know."

"Joey, your car was totaled. TOTALED. I don't have a scratch on me. JC walked away with nothing more than a broken arm. I HAVE to explain...and besides, I broke the other rule."

"What's that?" Joey asked.

Lance scratched his head and looked over at JC. Then he looked back at Joey with pain-filled eyes. "I fell in love," he said quietly.

JC was looking at Justin and Chris, but he kept glancing at Lance. "What happened?" Justin asked.

"He told me he loved me," JC said, as if that was the only answer to any question.

"That's great, JC," Justin said with a smile. JC grinned, then looked back at Lance and frowned when he saw him glance over.

"What happened in the accident, Jace?" Chris asked quietly. "They told us Joey's car was totaled."

JC closed his eyes. "It was," he said. "All I remember is it raining so hard, and a car coming out of nowhere in our lane...Lance pushed me down underneath him...my arm got broken by something, they didn't tell me what it was...but Lance...he got a piece of SOMETHING stuck in his side...like...it should have torn him apart. But they said that it was a miracle...when they moved it...nothing happened to him...nothing was wrong." Justin and Chris looked over at Lance in shock. They saw him hugging Joey and then they broke apart and Lance took a deep breath. "Lance?" JC asked when they walked over. Lance said nothing but walked over and embraced him, careful to avoid the broken arm.

Lance swallowed and finally spoke. "Um...I have to tell you guys something," he said. He looked around and saw only concerned faces. He couldn't look anymore, and cast his eyes downward. He closed his eyes when he felt tears burning at the back of them. "Um...remember when...remember that thing I wouldn't tell anyone...but Joey knew? Remember?"

Chris spoke up. "Yeah..."

"Well...it's time for me to come...clean with you guys and...tell you what it is..." Lance impatiently rubbed away a tear and Joey squeezed his shoulder.

"Does this have anything to do with why there's nothing wrong with you?" Chris asked.

Lance nodded. "I'm sure JC told you that whatever hit me should have killed me, right?" He looked up and they all nodded. He looked down at the floor. "Well...it couldn't kill me because...this is so hard. Because...I'm already dead."

Chris shied away from him. "What? What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. I'm already dead...and have been for over a hundred years now." Lance sighed. He didn't think they'd believe him. He was right.

"You're joking," Justin said. "This is one big joke cooked up by you and Joey." His voice started to waver. "You've always been a good practical joker when you want to be...you're just...joking." Lance shook his head.

"You're not joking?"

Lance shook his head again. JC moved cautiously away from him and Lance felt a sudden inner cold and pain. "Who are you, then?" JC asked. "What are you?"

"I'm not bad," he whispered. "I'm not bad, I swear." He looked at them with pleading eyes.

"We don't know that," Chris said. "You've been lying to us this whole time."

"No! That's not it! That's not it at all!" Lance protested. "I had to...I couldn't tell you...besides...If I was going to do something...I've had four years, haven't I? And just because I'm...dead," he said, swallowing the last word, "Doesn't mean I'm...bad."

"We don't know that," Chris pressed. Lance winced and fresh tears sprang to his eyes.

"I thought they'd understand that part," he whispered to himself, and only Joey heard, and Joey had had enough.

"Listen, Chris, I've known about this since...the night JC almost got shot. I know he won't do anything to us."

"Joey," Lance said, his voice low.

"Please." Joey sighed and backed off.

"Thanks." Lance sighed and looked up. "You have no idea how hard this is for me."

"For you, huh? What, exactly, are you?" Justin asked.

Lance sighed and looked down at the floor again. He didn't want to see what JC thought of him. "I'm not human. Not anymore. But the last thing I want to do is hurt you. That's why I'm here in the first place! You think I would've jumped in front of that truck, Chris?" Chris shuffled his feet. "You think I would've let that bullet go through me instead of lodging itself in your heart, Josh? Think about it. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't have saved you those times." He looked at JC, who was staring out the window, but Lance could see that he was listening.

"What do you mean...through you?" Justin asked, playing with the end of his sheet, but his head was tilted to the side.

Lance sighed. "I mean it passed through my body without doing any damage. I told you it missed; but it really went through me. Joey saw that, or he'd still be in the dark. Although, he might have found out...he's the only one I was allowed to tell...until now."

"Why him? Why not JC? Me? Chris?" Justin asked.

Lance noticed JC turn his head the slightest bit. "Because he was the only one allowed to know. I'm Joey's guardian angel," he said, his voice barely audible.

He heard a sharp intake of breath and JC turned his head all the way. "So they exist?"

Was there hope? Did JC really believe him? "Yeah, we do," he said. "There's one of us for everyone...except for you guys."

"Why?" Justin asked.

"Because I got sent down here," Lance whispered. "To be the fifth in the group, help protect you guys...but mostly help Josh deal with being gay."

JC whipped his head around. "What?" he asked. "What do you mean?"

"They could see that you'd have trouble with it...more than you did. They wanted me to help. They just didn't think I'd last this long."

"What do you mean, 'last this long?'" JC asked. Then he realized something else. "And why is it that you could only tell Joey before, but you're telling us now?"

Lance broke down and started sobbing. JC instinctively ran to him, embracing him in a hug. Chris spoke up, watching them. "So what about all this? Is all the stuff you told us lies? Are you really gay? Do you really love JC?"

JC felt Lance stiffen in his arms before he spoke through his tears. "It's true. All of it's true."

"So your parents disowned you? That means...you were alive at one point?" Justin asked.

"I died in 1882," Lance sniffled. "August 8th."

"That's my...that's...my birthday..." JC stammered. He felt Lance nod against his shoulder. "How old were you?"

Lance stiffened again. "Twenty-one," he said.

JC opened his mouth to ask, and Joey knew the question. He touched JC's shoulder and shook his head. JC gave him a curious look, but complied and asked something else. "Is this what your personality is like? Kind of quiet...most of the time?" he asked curiously.

Lance lifted his head. He wiped his eyes and sniffled. A hint of a smile crossed his face. "Uh uh," he said, shaking his head. "Far from it. But they made me do this. I got in too much trouble up there," he jerked his head towards the ceiling, "For them to want me to be the same here. You see how I am with Lou? That's how I really am. Sort of. Only I don't question authority very much. Kind of a no-no. Just Nikolas...remember that guy that brought me back that one night? That's him."

"Nikolas...Nikolas...that's the doctor's name," Chris said, narrowing his eyes.

Lance chuckled a little bit, momentarily forgetting what was coming soon. "Yeah, doctor. But um...when I passed out, you thought my heart stopped...but I didn't really have a heartbeat. The rest of me was human enough."

"But why did you pass out?"

"Same reasons. Exhaustion, dehydration, and I could get sick. They gave me a human body so that you wouldn't get suspicious."

"It worked," Chris said. Lance shrugged. "I'm going to ask this...were you really a dog named Poofu?"

Lance shook his head vehemently. "No no no. They made that up. Said I'd need a first job. But I think Nikolas was mad at me for a prank I'd pulled on one of the other angels, so instead of me having worked in a grocery store or something, it was Poofu the Dalmatian."

Chris laughed out loud and Lance glared at him. JC went back to the other question. "Why are you telling us this now?" he asked softly.

"Because I can't exactly hide the fact that nothing happened to either of us in the crash, except for your arm. There's one thing you have to know first..." he said, blinking back another few tears. "There was one...being responsible for everything that happened. Your apartment was one example, Chris."

Chris started. "What? How did you..."

Lance chuckled. "I was watching you. I was the one that had to get you guys together. So when Joey wasn't making trouble for himself, I came and checked on you." He sobered up. "That was a result of an angel named Benny."

"Angel? If he was an angel, then why...?" Chris began.

Lance continued. "Hold on. Then when that truck showed up...Benny rigged it so that the wheel would stick and the breaks wouldn't work." Lance snuggled closer to JC. "He hired that guy to shoot one of you. You're not allowed to try to kill a human; you immediately get...kicked out. So Benny went to hell. Where he belonged in the first place, I think." He didn't elaborate. "Then he possessed Joey and we had the whole blackmail fiasco. And then he showed up the day I disappeared too; we still don't know where I went. He may have had something to do with your appendix, Justin. There's so much more he's done. So much more. But most recently...he teamed up with Lou...and...he was the one driving the car that hit me and Josh."

"Where is he now?" Justin asked.

"He was destroyed," Lance said. "He and the others...were after me...always have been...and Nikolas gave me a shield to protect me from anything they did...that's why the crash didn't hurt me, and I guess, since I was on JC, it couldn't hurt him either. But he was destroyed trying to get me. Somehow. Maybe he knew it was time."

"Time for me to answer the rest of JC's question." Lance swallowed. "Benny wanted me to fail, and now I have."

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"I just told you about me," Lance whispered, tears starting to flow down his face. "About what I really am. I wasn't supposed to do that. That was Rule Number 1."

"Then why did you?" Justin asked.

"I told you, there's no explanation, but I know, I could've lied like I did about the bullet, but this is a bit much. Besides, I broke the other rule, Rule Number 2." He kissed JC on the cheek despite the torrent of tears running down his cheeks.

"What's that?" JC asked.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Sent From Above Chapter 50 Lance walked into JC's room. JC shot up like a bullet and started blabbering the minute he saw his lover. "Lance...oh God...they said....they said it was a miracle that I walked away with just a broken arm and a cut on my head...because you sa-- Oh my GOD! You...there's nothing...you...you're okay...you...what...how..." Lance blinked. "You're not...dead, are you? Am I dreaming or something? Are you like a ghost?" "You're not dreaming," Lance said, shaking his head sadly. "Remember what we were talking about before all this?" JC thought back and nodded. "I love you too. More than anything." * "Why won't they tell us what happened?" Justin fumed from his bed. "J, calm down. I'm sure they're fine," Chris said, but he was pacing back and forth nervously. He tugged nervously on the bottom of his shirt. Joey chewed nervously on a fingernail. JC and Lance had left two hours ago, and then a doctor had poked their head in the door about fifteen minutes earlier, saying there had been some type of accident with the two, but they didn't know much except that the car had been totaled, and that they'd be back with more information. It was driving them all crazy. Justin's stomach hurt and he was cranky because the doctor wouldn't give him anymore pain medication. Then suddenly the door opened. In walked JC with a cast on his left arm, which was in a sling as well, and gauze or something on his forehead. Joey jumped up. JC looked very happy in his eyes, but was...confused too. Then they understood why when Lance walked in, looking at the floor...with no visible injuries. "Are you guys okay?" Chris blurted out. "Wait...you...you...you're...fi..." "Joey I have to talk to you," he said, looking up. They could all see his eyes were troubled. Joey wordlessly got up and followed him to the other side of the room. The others watched nervously and JC scratched the back of his head with his good arm. "What is it, Lance?" Joey asked. "I have to tell them," he said. "I have to tell them. Just so you know." "You what?! Why?!" "Joey, your car was totaled. TOTALED. I don't have a scratch on me. JC walked away with nothing more than a broken arm. I HAVE to explain...and besides, I broke the other rule." "What's that?" Joey asked. Lance scratched his head and looked over at JC. Then he looked back at Joey with pain-filled eyes. "I fell in love," he said quietly. JC was looking at Justin and Chris, but he kept glancing at Lance. "What happened?" Justin asked. "He told me he loved me," JC said, as if that was the only answer to any question. "That's great, JC," Justin said with a smile. JC grinned, then looked back at Lance and frowned when he saw him glance over. "What happened in the accident, Jace?" Chris asked quietly. "They told us Joey's car was totaled." JC closed his eyes. "It was," he said. "All I remember is it raining so hard, and a car coming out of nowhere in our lane...Lance pushed me down underneath him...my arm got broken by something, they didn't tell me what it was...but Lance...he got a piece of SOMETHING stuck in his side...like...it should have torn him apart. But they said that it was a miracle...when they moved it...nothing happened to him...nothing was wrong." Justin and Chris looked over at Lance in shock. They saw him hugging Joey and then they broke apart and Lance took a deep breath. "Lance?" JC asked when they walked over. Lance said nothing but walked over and embraced him, careful to avoid the broken arm. Lance swallowed and finally spoke. "Um...I have to tell you guys something," he said. He looked around and saw only concerned faces. He couldn't look anymore, and cast his eyes downward. He closed his eyes when he felt tears burning at the back of them. "Um...remember when...remember that thing I wouldn't tell anyone...but Joey knew? Remember?" Chris spoke up. "Yeah..." "Well...it's time for me to come...clean with you guys and...tell you what it is..." Lance impatiently rubbed away a tear and Joey squeezed his shoulder. "Does this have anything to do with why there's nothing wrong with you?" Chris asked. Lance nodded. "I'm sure JC told you that whatever hit me should have killed me, right?" He looked up and they all nodded. He looked down at the floor. "Well...it couldn't kill me because...this is so hard. Because...I'm already dead." Chris shied away from him. "What? What do you mean?" "Just what I said. I'm already dead...and have been for over a hundred years now." Lance sighed. He didn't think they'd believe him. He was right. "You're joking," Justin said. "This is one big joke cooked up by you and Joey." His voice started to waver. "You've always been a good practical joker when you want to be...you're just...joking." Lance shook his head. "You're not joking?" Lance shook his head again. JC moved cautiously away from him and Lance felt a sudden inner cold and pain. "Who are you, then?" JC asked. "What are you?" "I'm not bad," he whispered. "I'm not bad, I swear." He looked at them with pleading eyes. "We don't know that," Chris said. "You've been lying to us this whole time." "No! That's not it! That's not it at all!" Lance protested. "I had to...I couldn't tell you...besides...If I was going to do something...I've had four years, haven't I? And just because I'm...dead," he said, swallowing the last word, "Doesn't mean I'm...bad." "We don't know that," Chris pressed. Lance winced and fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "I thought they'd understand that part," he whispered to himself, and only Joey heard, and Joey had had enough. "Listen, Chris, I've known about this since...the night JC almost got shot. I know he won't do anything to us." "Joey," Lance said, his voice low. "What?" "Please." Joey sighed and backed off. "Thanks." Lance sighed and looked up. "You have no idea how hard this is for me." "For you, huh? What, exactly, are you?" Justin asked. Lance sighed and looked down at the floor again. He didn't want to see what JC thought of him. "I'm not human. Not anymore. But the last thing I want to do is hurt you. That's why I'm here in the first place! You think I would've jumped in front of that truck, Chris?" Chris shuffled his feet. "You think I would've let that bullet go through me instead of lodging itself in your heart, Josh? Think about it. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't have saved you those times." He looked at JC, who was staring out the window, but Lance could see that he was listening. "What do you mean...through you?" Justin asked, playing with the end of his sheet, but his head was tilted to the side. Lance sighed. "I mean it passed through my body without doing any damage. I told you it missed; but it really went through me. Joey saw that, or he'd still be in the dark. Although, he might have found out...he's the only one I was allowed to tell...until now." "Why him? Why not JC? Me? Chris?" Justin asked. Lance noticed JC turn his head the slightest bit. "Because he was the only one allowed to know. I'm Joey's guardian angel," he said, his voice barely audible. He heard a sharp intake of breath and JC turned his head all the way. "So they exist?" Was there hope? Did JC really believe him? "Yeah, we do," he said. "There's one of us for everyone...except for you guys." "Why?" Justin asked. "Because I got sent down here," Lance whispered. "To be the fifth in the group, help protect you guys...but mostly help Josh deal with being gay." JC whipped his head around. "What?" he asked. "What do you mean?" "They could see that you'd have trouble with it...more than you did. They wanted me to help. They just didn't think I'd last this long." "What do you mean, 'last this long?'" JC asked. Then he realized something else. "And why is it that you could only tell Joey before, but you're telling us now?" Lance broke down and started sobbing. JC instinctively ran to him, embracing him in a hug. Chris spoke up, watching them. "So what about all this? Is all the stuff you told us lies? Are you really gay? Do you really love JC?" JC felt Lance stiffen in his arms before he spoke through his tears. "It's true. All of it's true." "So your parents disowned you? That means...you were alive at one point?" Justin asked. "I died in 1882," Lance sniffled. "August 8th." "That's my...that's...my birthday..." JC stammered. He felt Lance nod against his shoulder. "How old were you?" Lance stiffened again. "Twenty-one," he said. JC opened his mouth to ask, and Joey knew the question. He touched JC's shoulder and shook his head. JC gave him a curious look, but complied and asked something else. "Is this what your personality is like? Kind of quiet...most of the time?" he asked curiously. Lance lifted his head. He wiped his eyes and sniffled. A hint of a smile crossed his face. "Uh uh," he said, shaking his head. "Far from it. But they made me do this. I got in too much trouble up there," he jerked his head towards the ceiling, "For them to want me to be the same here. You see how I am with Lou? That's how I really am. Sort of. Only I don't question authority very much. Kind of a no-no. Just Nikolas...remember that guy that brought me back that one night? That's him." "Nikolas...Nikolas...that's the doctor's name," Chris said, narrowing his eyes. Lance chuckled a little bit, momentarily forgetting what was coming soon. "Yeah, doctor. But um...when I passed out, you thought my heart stopped...but I didn't really have a heartbeat. The rest of me was human enough." "But why did you pass out?" "Same reasons. Exhaustion, dehydration, and I could get sick. They gave me a human body so that you wouldn't get suspicious." "It worked," Chris said. Lance shrugged. "I'm going to ask this...were you really a dog named Poofu?" Lance shook his head vehemently. "No no no. They made that up. Said I'd need a first job. But I think Nikolas was mad at me for a prank I'd pulled on one of the other angels, so instead of me having worked in a grocery store or something, it was Poofu the Dalmatian." Chris laughed out loud and Lance glared at him. JC went back to the other question. "Why are you telling us this now?" he asked softly. "Because I can't exactly hide the fact that nothing happened to either of us in the crash, except for your arm. There's one thing you have to know first..." he said, blinking back another few tears. "There was one...being responsible for everything that happened. Your apartment was one example, Chris." Chris started. "What? How did you..." Lance chuckled. "I was watching you. I was the one that had to get you guys together. So when Joey wasn't making trouble for himself, I came and checked on you." He sobered up. "That was a result of an angel named Benny." "Angel? If he was an angel, then why...?" Chris began. Lance continued. "Hold on. Then when that truck showed up...Benny rigged it so that the wheel would stick and the breaks wouldn't work." Lance snuggled closer to JC. "He hired that guy to shoot one of you. You're not allowed to try to kill a human; you immediately get...kicked out. So Benny went to hell. Where he belonged in the first place, I think." He didn't elaborate. "Then he possessed Joey and we had the whole blackmail fiasco. And then he showed up the day I disappeared too; we still don't know where I went. He may have had something to do with your appendix, Justin. There's so much more he's done. So much more. But most recently...he teamed up with Lou...and...he was the one driving the car that hit me and Josh." "Where is he now?" Justin asked. "He was destroyed," Lance said. "He and the others...were after me...always have been...and Nikolas gave me a shield to protect me from anything they did...that's why the crash didn't hurt me, and I guess, since I was on JC, it couldn't hurt him either. But he was destroyed trying to get me. Somehow. Maybe he knew it was time." "Time for what?" "Time for me to answer the rest of JC's question." Lance swallowed. "Benny wanted me to fail, and now I have." "What do you mean?" Chris asked. "I just told you about me," Lance whispered, tears starting to flow down his face. "About what I really am. I wasn't supposed to do that. That was Rule Number 1." "Then why did you?" Justin asked. "I told you, there's no explanation, but I know, I could've lied like I did about the bullet, but this is a bit much. Besides, I broke the other rule, Rule Number 2." He kissed JC on the cheek despite the torrent of tears running down his cheeks. "What's that?" JC asked. "I fell in love."