Chapter 14

The guys were sitting around a table, staring expectantly at the woman seated at the head of it. She was young, and somewhat nervous in the presence of *N Sync, and it showed. She bit her lip and flipped through the notebook in front of her, as if trying to distract herself from the guys around the table.

Justin and Chris decided to start thumb wrestling, and Lance sat across from them, shaking his head at their level of immaturity at the moment. Occasionally interjecting a comment towards one of them, he mostly just listened to their inane babble during the matches. He was convinced one of them was going to break the others' wrist.

Joey was sitting next to the young reporter, of course, trying to make her feel more at ease. What he didn't realize was that his presence so near to her was setting her even more on edge.

JC sat at the opposite end of the table as the reporter, slumped in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. He was neither flirting with the reporter nor joining in the frenzy that was Chris and Justin. He was sitting like he had been for the past week, outside looking in.

It was amazing how uncomfortable he could feel within his little family. The guys weren't treating him any differently, really, except for Lance, who did his best to ignore him. The others all made an effort to not make him feel like he was the biggest jerk on the planet. It wasn't working, but, hey, at least they were trying.

JC sighed and closed his eyes. He wished Joey would stop flirting with the reporter so they could get on with the interview. After that, they had a quick photo shoot before they had to go back to the hotel.

“Justin, I swear, you'd think with all your damn muscles you'd be able to beat Chris!” Lance said.

JC studied Lance from under his lashes. Since his secret was revealed to the guys, he had changed. His appearance was the same, the same spiky tipped blond hair, the same light green eyes, the same pale complexion; but his attitude was different. He was more outspoken, quicker with an insult, quicker to offer his opinion. He was quicker to flash his wide smile, more open to meeting people.

JC grinned as Lance and Justin exchanged barbs. Lance was keeping up with Justin. JC was quite proud, actually.

The smile faded from JC's face as he watched Lance. He really missed him. This week hadn't been so bad since Bobbi was around. He spent time with her and didn't have as much free time to think about how much he actually missed Lance. It was times like these, those times when the others were laughing and joking and he felt like he didn't fit in, that he realized this was when he and Lance would sit together and talk.

God, why couldn't he just swallow his pride and admit defeat? Why couldn't he just knock on Lance's door and say, “I'm sorry. I'm an ass, can you forgive me?”

He was scared, that's why. He was scared that he would open himself up to Lance, and tell him that he was really hurt that Lance couldn't trust him, and then Lance would turn on him. Lance would tell him off, tell him that he wasn't such a good friend after all, and he didn't need friends like JC in his life.

And then what would he do? At least this way he could still pretend he and Lance were friends. He could pretend that one day they would wake up and be like they were before. If Lance turned him away, though, there would be no more pretending. Just the cold hard truth. And that was more than JC was willing to risk.

Joey turned to them and told them they were ready to start. JC didn't open his eyes, just continued to look at Lance, not really hearing what Joey had said. He saw Lance look at him, and his heart broke at the sad look that passed over Lance's features.

JC waited for Lance to turn away before opening his eyes. He sat up straight in his chair as the woman began to ask her questions. His mind was working a mile a minute.

Lance was hurting, too! Well, of course he was, you idiot, did you think his best friend turning his back on him was going to make him do cartwheels? But if Lance was hurting, maybe there was a chance. Maybe the situation wasn't totally hopeless.

JC allowed himself a small smile as he tuned the interviewer in. He watched Lance as he answered a question, fascinated by the curve of his jaw, the apple of his cheek, and the way his eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“If you could be anyone other than yourself in the group, who would you be?” The young woman looked at the guys.

Joey laughed, “I'd be Justin. I want to know what it's like to have all the girls want me.”

Lance barely glanced in JC's direction as he answered. “He's so passionate about everything. Whether he loves something or hates it, he does it with such passion, it almost consumes him. I'd like to know how that feels, to feel so deeply about something that it just takes over your whole being.” He shrugged, “Plus, his voice is amazing. I'd like to know what it feels like to be able to sing like that.”

JC didn't hear the rest of the interview. He could barely tear his eyes away from Lance, who after answering the question, seemed to shut off. His eyes were downcast, staring at a stain on the table as his finger picked at it. His mouth turned downward, and his brow was furrowed as he bit his bottom lip. JC marveled at the change. One minute he was open and inviting, the next he was closed and shut off from the rest of the world.

But that answer, wow. At least JC knew Lance didn't hate him. Of course, he was pretty sure that `hating something' part was a direct shot to the way he had been acting the past few weeks. Beyond that, though, JC was floored. That was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said about him. The guys had always teased him about the time spent in the studio, the time writing and perfecting a song. He never knew that Lance admired that about him. Lance never told him.

Lance never told you a lot of things, JC thought bitterly. He sighed as he pushed the thought out of his mind. That was beside the point right now. Right now, the point was that Lance didn't hate him.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Secret Desires Chapter 14 A SUDDEN, BOLD, AND UNEXPECTED QUESTION DOTH MANY TIMES SURPRISE A MAN AND LAY HIM OPEN. FRANCIS BACON CHAPTER FOURTEEN-ALL THAT MATTERS The guys were sitting around a table, staring expectantly at the woman seated at the head of it. She was young, and somewhat nervous in the presence of N Sync, and it showed. She bit her lip and flipped through the notebook in front of her, as if trying to distract herself from the guys around the table. Justin and Chris decided to start thumb wrestling, and Lance sat across from them, shaking his head at their level of immaturity at the moment. Occasionally interjecting a comment towards one of them, he mostly just listened to their inane babble during the matches. He was convinced one of them was going to break the others' wrist. Joey was sitting next to the young reporter, of course, trying to make her feel more at ease. What he didn't realize was that his presence so near to her was setting her even more on edge. JC sat at the opposite end of the table as the reporter, slumped in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. He was neither flirting with the reporter nor joining in the frenzy that was Chris and Justin. He was sitting like he had been for the past week, outside looking in. It was amazing how uncomfortable he could feel within his little family. The guys weren't treating him any differently, really, except for Lance, who did his best to ignore him. The others all made an effort to not make him feel like he was the biggest jerk on the planet. It wasn't working, but, hey, at least they were trying. JC sighed and closed his eyes. He wished Joey would stop flirting with the reporter so they could get on with the interview. After that, they had a quick photo shoot before they had to go back to the hotel. “Justin, I swear, you'd think with all your damn muscles you'd be able to beat Chris!” Lance said. Justin cocked his head at Lance and grinned, “You checking me out?” Lance threw back his head and laughed, “Don't flatter yourself, fro boy.” JC studied Lance from under his lashes. Since his secret was revealed to the guys, he had changed. His appearance was the same, the same spiky tipped blond hair, the same light green eyes, the same pale complexion; but his attitude was different. He was more outspoken, quicker with an insult, quicker to offer his opinion. He was quicker to flash his wide smile, more open to meeting people. JC grinned as Lance and Justin exchanged barbs. Lance was keeping up with Justin. JC was quite proud, actually. The smile faded from JC's face as he watched Lance. He really missed him. This week hadn't been so bad since Bobbi was around. He spent time with her and didn't have as much free time to think about how much he actually missed Lance. It was times like these, those times when the others were laughing and joking and he felt like he didn't fit in, that he realized this was when he and Lance would sit together and talk. God, why couldn't he just swallow his pride and admit defeat? Why couldn't he just knock on Lance's door and say, “I'm sorry. I'm an ass, can you forgive me?” He was scared, that's why. He was scared that he would open himself up to Lance, and tell him that he was really hurt that Lance couldn't trust him, and then Lance would turn on him. Lance would tell him off, tell him that he wasn't such a good friend after all, and he didn't need friends like JC in his life. And then what would he do? At least this way he could still pretend he and Lance were friends. He could pretend that one day they would wake up and be like they were before. If Lance turned him away, though, there would be no more pretending. Just the cold hard truth. And that was more than JC was willing to risk. Joey turned to them and told them they were ready to start. JC didn't open his eyes, just continued to look at Lance, not really hearing what Joey had said. He saw Lance look at him, and his heart broke at the sad look that passed over Lance's features. JC waited for Lance to turn away before opening his eyes. He sat up straight in his chair as the woman began to ask her questions. His mind was working a mile a minute. Lance was hurting, too! Well, of course he was, you idiot, did you think his best friend turning his back on him was going to make him do cartwheels? But if Lance was hurting, maybe there was a chance. Maybe the situation wasn't totally hopeless. JC allowed himself a small smile as he tuned the interviewer in. He watched Lance as he answered a question, fascinated by the curve of his jaw, the apple of his cheek, and the way his eyes crinkled as he smiled. He didn't even realize he was staring. “If you could be anyone other than yourself in the group, who would you be?” The young woman looked at the guys. Joey laughed, “I'd be Justin. I want to know what it's like to have all the girls want me.” Chris pretended to pout, “I wanted to be Justin,” he kidded. Justin rolled his eyes at the both of them. Lance spoke up. “I'd want to be JC,” he said. JC looked up sharply from where his gaze rested on the table, quickly focusing on Lance. “Why?” the girl asked. Lance barely glanced in JC's direction as he answered. “He's so passionate about everything. Whether he loves something or hates it, he does it with such passion, it almost consumes him. I'd like to know how that feels, to feel so deeply about something that it just takes over your whole being.” He shrugged, “Plus, his voice is amazing. I'd like to know what it feels like to be able to sing like that.” JC didn't hear the rest of the interview. He could barely tear his eyes away from Lance, who after answering the question, seemed to shut off. His eyes were downcast, staring at a stain on the table as his finger picked at it. His mouth turned downward, and his brow was furrowed as he bit his bottom lip. JC marveled at the change. One minute he was open and inviting, the next he was closed and shut off from the rest of the world. But that answer, wow. At least JC knew Lance didn't hate him. Of course, he was pretty sure that `hating something' part was a direct shot to the way he had been acting the past few weeks. Beyond that, though, JC was floored. That was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said about him. The guys had always teased him about the time spent in the studio, the time writing and perfecting a song. He never knew that Lance admired that about him. Lance never told him. Lance never told you a lot of things, JC thought bitterly. He sighed as he pushed the thought out of his mind. That was beside the point right now. Right now, the point was that Lance didn't hate him. And that was all that mattered.