Part 31

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Part 31

~How I always held close in your fear~

It was a Wednesday, three days before his twenty-third birthday, when Lance began radiation therapy. His first appointment was at 9:30 AM. A kiss from JC woke him at 7:00. Then they had showered together. JC washed Lance's hair, gently touching his new scar and brushing his fingers across the newly grown brush of hair; trying not to mess up the blue dots that Dr. Crinetti had made on his head to help guide in his radiation. Then JC made him a big breakfast and practically forced him to eat the whole thing. Dr. Crinetti had said that some patients having radiation did not eat enough, and lost about a pound a week. JC wanted to get Lance started off on the right foot.

On the way to the hospital Lance sat quietly, staring out the window. He knew what to expect. Dr. Crinetti had explained everything, and he and JC had done some research on the Internet. Still, riding to the hospital, he felt a huge lump forming in the pit of his stomach. He would be so glad when he never had to see another hospital again.

"You ok?" JC asked, glancing at him.

"Yeah. I'm just a little nervous."

JC nodded and, keeping his left hand on the steering wheel, he put his right hand on Lance's knee, and rubbed it comfortingly. "There's really nothing to be nervous about. You remember what Dr. Crinetti said."

"Yeah, I do, it's just that..."

"What?" JC said.

"It's stupid."

"No, tell me. I want to know," JC encouraged him.

Lance sighed. "It's just that after the MRI, the first one, the one where I found out I had the tumor, I'm just really apprehensive with these big machines, you know?"

JC frowned. "Like a phobia?"

"Yeah," Lance said, biting his lip. "I guess that's what it is."

JC looked at him. He could see the fear in Lance's eyes. He could almost feel it coming from Lance's body. All he wanted to do was pull the car over and take his lover into his arms, comfort him, take the fear away. "Is there anything I can do?"

Lance shook his head. "I think I'll be ok."

"I know you will," JC said, slight smile on his face. "I know you will."

***

"Lance?" A voice said, over the intercom.

"Yeah?"

"You're allowed to breathe."

Lance, unaware that he had been holding his breath, exhaled, then inhaled deeply. He heard Dr. Crinetti laugh. "It's ok, Lance, just breathe naturally." Lance let out his breath again, and inhaled. "That's fine. But don't move around a lot. Stay still, but breathe normally."

"Ok," Lance said, concentrating on his breathing. He had never realized that it was hard to breathe normally when you were told to. Now he had to pay attention to it. It kept him from moving around, though. He heard the machine begin to whir above him, springing into action, and his body stiffened even more. Dr. Crinetti noticed.

"Lance," she said, soothingly, "just calm down, and breathe normally. It will be over soon."

'Easy for her to say,' Lance thought to himself. 'She isn't having a giant x-ray shot into her brain.' Lance forced himself to relax as he watched the huge machine move into position around his head.

***

JC sat in the waiting room, magazine sitting unread in his lap. The room was empty except for a middle-aged receptionist, and an older man, so he had little fear of being recognized.

He smiled, thinking about the weekend ahead. Stacey and Ford would be arriving Friday night. He had already told them of his plans, and they had agreed to stay in a hotel. Saturday evening there would be a small party, just friends and family. Sunday...Sunday was going to be their day. Just him and Lance. His smile grew as he thought about his present for Lance. This was going to be so great.

He looked up to see Lance walking back into the waiting area. "Hey baby," JC said, standing to greet him. He pulled Lance into an embrace and held him close, kissing his cheek. He saw the receptionist smile, but the old man looked at them disapprovingly. JC shot him a dirty look before turning his attention back to his lover. "How was it?"

Lance just shrugged. "You don't know how it was?" JC said, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I...it was fine. No problem."

"But...?" JC prompted him.

"But, it was just a little weird," Lance concluded.

"What happened?" JC asked as they walked out of the waiting room.

"Nothing much. I sat there, and there was this huge machine that they aimed at my head. It moved around and made a humming noise. It took a few minutes to get it in the right spot, and then they started. I didn't feel anything. It was only, like, five minutes, I think."

"Doesn't sound too bad."

"No," Lance agreed. "I guess the idea of it was worse than the actual experience.

JC nodded. "So, how do you feel?"

"I feel..." Lance shrugged again, "the same."

"But, you're ok?" Lance nodded. "See," JC said, "I told you you'd be ok."

Lance smiled slightly, nodding again. He wasn't so sure. He wished he could be as confident as JC was. He just prayed that JC was right.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to But Faith Part 31 ~How I always held close in your fear~ It was a Wednesday, three days before his twenty-third birthday, when Lance began radiation therapy. His first appointment was at 9:30 AM. A kiss from JC woke him at 7:00. Then they had showered together. JC washed Lance's hair, gently touching his new scar and brushing his fingers across the newly grown brush of hair; trying not to mess up the blue dots that Dr. Crinetti had made on his head to help guide in his radiation. Then JC made him a big breakfast and practically forced him to eat the whole thing. Dr. Crinetti had said that some patients having radiation did not eat enough, and lost about a pound a week. JC wanted to get Lance started off on the right foot. On the way to the hospital Lance sat quietly, staring out the window. He knew what to expect. Dr. Crinetti had explained everything, and he and JC had done some research on the Internet. Still, riding to the hospital, he felt a huge lump forming in the pit of his stomach. He would be so glad when he never had to see another hospital again. "You ok?" JC asked, glancing at him. "Yeah. I'm just a little nervous." JC nodded and, keeping his left hand on the steering wheel, he put his right hand on Lance's knee, and rubbed it comfortingly. "There's really nothing to be nervous about. You remember what Dr. Crinetti said." "Yeah, I do, it's just that..." "What?" JC said. "It's stupid." "No, tell me. I want to know," JC encouraged him. Lance sighed. "It's just that after the MRI, the first one, the one where I found out I had the tumor, I'm just really apprehensive with these big machines, you know?" JC frowned. "Like a phobia?" "Yeah," Lance said, biting his lip. "I guess that's what it is." JC looked at him. He could see the fear in Lance's eyes. He could almost feel it coming from Lance's body. All he wanted to do was pull the car over and take his lover into his arms, comfort him, take the fear away. "Is there anything I can do?" Lance shook his head. "I think I'll be ok." "I know you will," JC said, slight smile on his face. "I know you will." * "Lance?" A voice said, over the intercom. "Yeah?" "You're allowed to breathe." Lance, unaware that he had been holding his breath, exhaled, then inhaled deeply. He heard Dr. Crinetti laugh. "It's ok, Lance, just breathe naturally." Lance let out his breath again, and inhaled. "That's fine. But don't move around a lot. Stay still, but breathe normally." "Ok," Lance said, concentrating on his breathing. He had never realized that it was hard to breathe normally when you were told to. Now he had to pay attention to it. It kept him from moving around, though. He heard the machine begin to whir above him, springing into action, and his body stiffened even more. Dr. Crinetti noticed. "Lance," she said, soothingly, "just calm down, and breathe normally. It will be over soon." 'Easy for her to say,' Lance thought to himself. 'She isn't having a giant x-ray shot into her brain.' Lance forced himself to relax as he watched the huge machine move into position around his head. * JC sat in the waiting room, magazine sitting unread in his lap. The room was empty except for a middle-aged receptionist, and an older man, so he had little fear of being recognized. He smiled, thinking about the weekend ahead. Stacey and Ford would be arriving Friday night. He had already told them of his plans, and they had agreed to stay in a hotel. Saturday evening there would be a small party, just friends and family. Sunday...Sunday was going to be their day. Just him and Lance. His smile grew as he thought about his present for Lance. This was going to be so great. He looked up to see Lance walking back into the waiting area. "Hey baby," JC said, standing to greet him. He pulled Lance into an embrace and held him close, kissing his cheek. He saw the receptionist smile, but the old man looked at them disapprovingly. JC shot him a dirty look before turning his attention back to his lover. "How was it?" Lance just shrugged. "You don't know how it was?" JC said, raising an eyebrow. "No, I...it was fine. No problem." "But...?" JC prompted him. "But, it was just a little weird," Lance concluded. "What happened?" JC asked as they walked out of the waiting room. "Nothing much. I sat there, and there was this huge machine that they aimed at my head. It moved around and made a humming noise. It took a few minutes to get it in the right spot, and then they started. I didn't feel anything. It was only, like, five minutes, I think." "Doesn't sound too bad." "No," Lance agreed. "I guess the idea of it was worse than the actual experience. JC nodded. "So, how do you feel?" "I feel..." Lance shrugged again, "the same." "But, you're ok?" Lance nodded. "See," JC said, "I told you you'd be ok." Lance smiled slightly, nodding again. He wasn't so sure. He wished he could be as confident as JC was. He just prayed that JC was right.