Part 18

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Part 18

~Two pale figures ache in silence~

Lance was not sleeping well. This was probably due to the fact that a nurse came around every half-hour to examine him and ask questions.

"Lance, can you tell me where you are?"

He sighed. "I'm guessing still in the hospital." If I were home no one would be waking me up every half-hour.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-two. How old are you?"

She smiled slightly, but didn't answer. She then checked his blood pressure, pulse, respiratory rate, and pupils, before making him move all of him limbs.

"You're a bully, you know that?"

"Go back to sleep. See you in a little while."

That was easier said than done. The hot oxygen mask and the pain hindered his sleep in the half-hours in between these observations. He didn't know what drugs they had him on, but they had stopped working about three observations ago.

He also missed JC. He knew that he had been there. He remembered JC sitting by his bed, holding his hand and talking to him softly, before finally being chased out. It was hard sleeping without him. It was one of the things that he had grown used to. Falling asleep in JC's arms, listening to him breathing was soothing and it made him feel safe. It wasn't as comforting listening to his own breathing. The noise that his breath was making through the oxygen mask was incredibly annoying. Kind of like Darth Vader, only not as cool when you were on the other side of it. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tried not to listen. He didn't know what time it was, but he decided that he was going to try to count the observations until JC came back.

***

JC was not sleeping well. He missed Lance so much. He had grown used to the other man curled up next to him in his sleep. If he could, he would have spent the entire night in the hospital, holding Lance's hand, and probably have slept well. Instead, he was in his own bed, alone, tossing and turning. Every time he was even close to sleeping, he would start to think. His mind would drift to morbid things like the surgery complications he read about on the internet earlier. Or the fact that, according to an article he read, Lance had a 41% to 51% chance of surviving for five years. That seemed awfully low to him. He knew there were probably other factors involved, and decided to ask Dr. Williams about it in the morning. He thought that should have been enough to get him to sleep, but it wasn't. As much as he tried to turn it off, his mind was not cooperating. His restless thoughts turned back to earlier in the night.

After finally being chased out of the ICU he was surprised to see Justin and Britney waiting for him. They said that they were trying to wait out the press. He did not believe them, but he appreciated the lie. After asking about Lance's condition, they had insisted that he get something to eat with them.

They went to a small, out of the way restaurant where they wouldn't be bothered. JC was silent and mostly picked at his meal, even though it was the first substance, other than coffee, that he had had all day. He mainly listened to Justin and Britney talk, smiling slightly as he observed them. When Britney excused herself to visit the restroom, JC smiled at Justin. "It's great that she came."

"Yeah man, but you know it's gonna be in the newspapers tomorrow," Justin groaned.

"So what?"

"So what?" Justin looked at him, confused. "Man, everybody's gonna know."

"Does that really bother you?"

Justin sighed. "Josh, the fans..."

"No, Justin stop," JC interrupted him. "Do you love her?"

"Yeah, of course I love her."

"Yeah, but I mean are you in love with her."

Justin thought about it for a second. "Yeah," he admitted finally. "I'm in love with her."

"And is there anyone else?" JC asked. "Are you sleeping around? Do you want to?"

"No."

"Well then why don't you just admit it? Let the world know. You're 21 years old now. You don't need to be hiding your love life."

"But what about the fans?"

"Just, two of the Backstreet Boys got married, and they still have their fans."

"I don't know, Josh."

JC sighed. "Justin, you have no idea how lucky you are. Do you know what I would give to be able to let the world know how I feel about Lance? Absolutely anything. I would be so proud to tell everyone that I love him, if I could. But I can't. Maybe someday I'll be able to, but not now. You can. What are you waiting for?"

Justin regarded him silently. "I don't know," he said finally. When Britney returned, she was confused by the way Justin and JC had seemingly switched personalities. Now, it was JC who was speaking, and Justin who was sitting silently.

JC groaned, and turned over again to check the clock. It was only 4:30 AM. He had been told that he was allowed to come back to the hospital at 9 o'clock. He needed to sleep. Feeling a bit silly, he got out of the bed and walked to the dresser. Rummaging briefly, he pulled out one of Lance's tee shirts. He held it to his face and inhaled. It still held a hint of Lance's cologne. Taking the shirt with him, he slipped back into the bed. Laying the shirt on Lance's pillow, he wrapped his arms around it, and willed himself to fall asleep. Surprisingly, it only took a few minutes.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to But Faith Part 18 ~Two pale figures ache in silence~ Lance was not sleeping well. This was probably due to the fact that a nurse came around every half-hour to examine him and ask questions. "Lance, can you tell me where you are?" He sighed. "I'm guessing still in the hospital." If I were home no one would be waking me up every half-hour. "How old are you?" "Twenty-two. How old are you?" She smiled slightly, but didn't answer. She then checked his blood pressure, pulse, respiratory rate, and pupils, before making him move all of him limbs. "You're a bully, you know that?" "Go back to sleep. See you in a little while." That was easier said than done. The hot oxygen mask and the pain hindered his sleep in the half-hours in between these observations. He didn't know what drugs they had him on, but they had stopped working about three observations ago. He also missed JC. He knew that he had been there. He remembered JC sitting by his bed, holding his hand and talking to him softly, before finally being chased out. It was hard sleeping without him. It was one of the things that he had grown used to. Falling asleep in JC's arms, listening to him breathing was soothing and it made him feel safe. It wasn't as comforting listening to his own breathing. The noise that his breath was making through the oxygen mask was incredibly annoying. Kind of like Darth Vader, only not as cool when you were on the other side of it. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tried not to listen. He didn't know what time it was, but he decided that he was going to try to count the observations until JC came back. *** JC was not sleeping well. He missed Lance so much. He had grown used to the other man curled up next to him in his sleep. If he could, he would have spent the entire night in the hospital, holding Lance's hand, and probably have slept well. Instead, he was in his own bed, alone, tossing and turning. Every time he was even close to sleeping, he would start to think. His mind would drift to morbid things like the surgery complications he read about on the internet earlier. Or the fact that, according to an article he read, Lance had a 41% to 51% chance of surviving for five years. That seemed awfully low to him. He knew there were probably other factors involved, and decided to ask Dr. Williams about it in the morning. He thought that should have been enough to get him to sleep, but it wasn't. As much as he tried to turn it off, his mind was not cooperating. His restless thoughts turned back to earlier in the night. After finally being chased out of the ICU he was surprised to see Justin and Britney waiting for him. They said that they were trying to wait out the press. He did not believe them, but he appreciated the lie. After asking about Lance's condition, they had insisted that he get something to eat with them. They went to a small, out of the way restaurant where they wouldn't be bothered. JC was silent and mostly picked at his meal, even though it was the first substance, other than coffee, that he had had all day. He mainly listened to Justin and Britney talk, smiling slightly as he observed them. When Britney excused herself to visit the restroom, JC smiled at Justin. "It's great that she came." "Yeah man, but you know it's gonna be in the newspapers tomorrow," Justin groaned. "So what?" "So what?" Justin looked at him, confused. "Man, everybody's gonna know." "Does that really bother you?" Justin sighed. "Josh, the fans..." "No, Justin stop," JC interrupted him. "Do you love her?" "Yeah, of course I love her." "Yeah, but I mean are you in love with her." Justin thought about it for a second. "Yeah," he admitted finally. "I'm in love with her." "And is there anyone else?" JC asked. "Are you sleeping around? Do you want to?" "No." "Well then why don't you just admit it? Let the world know. You're 21 years old now. You don't need to be hiding your love life." "But what about the fans?" "Just, two of the Backstreet Boys got married, and they still have their fans." "I don't know, Josh." JC sighed. "Justin, you have no idea how lucky you are. Do you know what I would give to be able to let the world know how I feel about Lance? Absolutely anything. I would be so proud to tell everyone that I love him, if I could. But I can't. Maybe someday I'll be able to, but not now. You can. What are you waiting for?" Justin regarded him silently. "I don't know," he said finally. When Britney returned, she was confused by the way Justin and JC had seemingly switched personalities. Now, it was JC who was speaking, and Justin who was sitting silently. JC groaned, and turned over again to check the clock. It was only 4:30 AM. He had been told that he was allowed to come back to the hospital at 9 o'clock. He needed to sleep. Feeling a bit silly, he got out of the bed and walked to the dresser. Rummaging briefly, he pulled out one of Lance's tee shirts. He held it to his face and inhaled. It still held a hint of Lance's cologne. Taking the shirt with him, he slipped back into the bed. Laying the shirt on Lance's pillow, he wrapped his arms around it, and willed himself to fall asleep. Surprisingly, it only took a few minutes.