Part 7

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Part 7

~It seems reality destroys our dreams~

The ride home was silent. JC and Lance sat lost in their own thoughts. Lance's head was back, his eyes closed. Bits of the conversation with Dr. Becker floated through his head.

//...cancer?//

//...won't know until after the biopsy.//

//...surgery on Wednesday.//

//...two days?//

//...give you time to get your affairs in order.//

//...affairs in order?//

//...gonna die?//

//...new techniques...not necessarily a death sentence...//

//...two days?...the tour...//

//...you'll have to cancel it//

//...possible radiation treatments...//

//...this can't be happening. can't be. can't be.//

//God, why is this happening?//

"Lance," JC's voice cut into his restless thoughts. "We're home."

Lance nodded slightly, unbuckling his seat belt. He was tired. So tired he did not even protest when JC opened the passenger side door and helped him out. He leaned against JC, who wrapped an arm firmly around his waist and guided him towards the house. After JC had unlocked the door and both of them were inside, he wrapped his other arm around Lance and drew his lover to him. Lance laid his head against JC's shoulder. They embraced silently for a moment before JC spoke.

"Why don't you go lie down?" he said. He felt Lance nod against him. "I'll get you a glass of water and a pill," he added, referring to the anti-seizure medication Dr. Becker had prescribed for Lance.

"'Kay," Lance murmured. JC could hear the fatigue in his voice. He drew back slightly to look at Lance. He was so very pale, a fact that was emphasized by the dark circles under his eyes, and the tear streaks that still decorated his face. He took Lance's chin between his fingers and kissed him softly. He rested his forehead against Lance's.

"Go on up," he said. "I'll be there in a minute." Lance nodded and headed up the stairs. JC walked to the kitchen and went to the cabinet to find a glass. He noticed that his hands were shaking again. So badly, in fact, that he decided to get a plastic cup instead of a glass. He picked up the bottle of pills and tried to read the side. It was difficult with the way his vision was blurring. Angrily, he swiped a hand across his eyes, trying to clear away the tears. Seconds later, however, they were back.

"Goddamn it!" he shouted. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" he said, punctuating each harsh exclamation with a pound of his fist against the counter. His head hurt. His fist hurt. God, he ached all over. "Damn it," he said again. This time his voice was no more than a ragged whisper. His whole body sagged. Slowly, he slid to his knees, and rested his head against the counter. This time when the tears came, he let them flow down his cheeks, unchecked.

***

Lance was in bed, curled on his side when JC entered their room fifteen minutes later. "What took you so long?" he asked, not turning over.

"I called the guys," JC said, starting to undress.

"What did you say?"

"I just told them that we needed to talk. I invited them over for breakfast tomorrow. I didn't want to tell them over the phone."

Lance nodded. "I understand."

"They'll be here at 10 o'clock," JC continued. "And I called Johnny."

Lance rolled over finally. "What did you tell him?"

"I said we needed to have a meeting with management and the record company. He didn't sound very happy, but I told him it was an emergency. We're meeting with them at twelve." JC slid into the bed. He handed Lance his pill and water. After Lance had taken them, he turned off the light and settled into JC's arms.

"Do you think it would be ok if I skipped that one?" he asked.

"The meeting?" JC asked. Lance nodded. "If you want to. I can handle it."

"Thank you, Josh."

"What are you going to be doing?"

"I have to get some things sorted out."

JC shuddered at this. He did not want to think about the things that Lance needed to sort out. "Are you going to call you family?" he asked.

"Yeah," Lance said softly. "I'll call Stacey, at least. I don't know about my parents."

"They should know, Lance."

"Yeah, but I doubt that they'll care."

JC closed his eyes and unconsciously tightened his arms around Lance. "They might surprise you."

"Yeah, maybe," Lance said, stifling a yawn. The pill he had taken had the side affect of making him even more tired than he was before.

"Go to sleep baby," JC said.

"Yeah," Lance agreed. "It's been a long day."

JC nodded, though he knew Lance could not see him. "I love you," he said.

"I love you Josh. Thank you for being here for me."

JC kissed the top of his head. "There is nowhere else in the world that

I would be."


	Inner Reflection \| home back to But Faith Part 7 ~It seems reality destroys our dreams~ The ride home was silent. JC and Lance sat lost in their own thoughts. Lance's head was back, his eyes closed. Bits of the conversation with Dr. Becker floated through his head. //...cancer?// //...won't know until after the biopsy.// //...surgery on Wednesday.// //...two days?// //...give you time to get your affairs in order.// //...affairs in order?// //...gonna die?// //...new techniques...not necessarily a death sentence...// //...two days?...the tour...// //...you'll have to cancel it// //...possible radiation treatments...// //...this can't be happening. can't be. can't be.// //God, why is this happening?// "Lance," JC's voice cut into his restless thoughts. "We're home." Lance nodded slightly, unbuckling his seat belt. He was tired. So tired he did not even protest when JC opened the passenger side door and helped him out. He leaned against JC, who wrapped an arm firmly around his waist and guided him towards the house. After JC had unlocked the door and both of them were inside, he wrapped his other arm around Lance and drew his lover to him. Lance laid his head against JC's shoulder. They embraced silently for a moment before JC spoke. "Why don't you go lie down?" he said. He felt Lance nod against him. "I'll get you a glass of water and a pill," he added, referring to the anti-seizure medication Dr. Becker had prescribed for Lance. "'Kay," Lance murmured. JC could hear the fatigue in his voice. He drew back slightly to look at Lance. He was so very pale, a fact that was emphasized by the dark circles under his eyes, and the tear streaks that still decorated his face. He took Lance's chin between his fingers and kissed him softly. He rested his forehead against Lance's. "Go on up," he said. "I'll be there in a minute." Lance nodded and headed up the stairs. JC walked to the kitchen and went to the cabinet to find a glass. He noticed that his hands were shaking again. So badly, in fact, that he decided to get a plastic cup instead of a glass. He picked up the bottle of pills and tried to read the side. It was difficult with the way his vision was blurring. Angrily, he swiped a hand across his eyes, trying to clear away the tears. Seconds later, however, they were back. "Goddamn it!" he shouted. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" he said, punctuating each harsh exclamation with a pound of his fist against the counter. His head hurt. His fist hurt. God, he ached all over. "Damn it," he said again. This time his voice was no more than a ragged whisper. His whole body sagged. Slowly, he slid to his knees, and rested his head against the counter. This time when the tears came, he let them flow down his cheeks, unchecked. *** Lance was in bed, curled on his side when JC entered their room fifteen minutes later. "What took you so long?" he asked, not turning over. "I called the guys," JC said, starting to undress. "What did you say?" "I just told them that we needed to talk. I invited them over for breakfast tomorrow. I didn't want to tell them over the phone." Lance nodded. "I understand." "They'll be here at 10 o'clock," JC continued. "And I called Johnny." Lance rolled over finally. "What did you tell him?" "I said we needed to have a meeting with management and the record company. He didn't sound very happy, but I told him it was an emergency. We're meeting with them at twelve." JC slid into the bed. He handed Lance his pill and water. After Lance had taken them, he turned off the light and settled into JC's arms. "Do you think it would be ok if I skipped that one?" he asked. "The meeting?" JC asked. Lance nodded. "If you want to. I can handle it." "Thank you, Josh." "What are you going to be doing?" "I have to get some things sorted out." JC shuddered at this. He did not want to think about the things that Lance needed to sort out. "Are you going to call you family?" he asked. "Yeah," Lance said softly. "I'll call Stacey, at least. I don't know about my parents." "They should know, Lance." "Yeah, but I doubt that they'll care." JC closed his eyes and unconsciously tightened his arms around Lance. "They might surprise you." "Yeah, maybe," Lance said, stifling a yawn. The pill he had taken had the side affect of making him even more tired than he was before. "Go to sleep baby," JC said. "Yeah," Lance agreed. "It's been a long day." JC nodded, though he knew Lance could not see him. "I love you," he said. "I love you Josh. Thank you for being here for me." JC kissed the top of his head. "There is nowhere else in the world that I would be."