Chapter 73

"Hey, guys, I'm back!" Chris called up the stairs. "Listen to this!" Then he started singing. "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts--" Busta barked. "There they are a-standing in a row--"

JC walked into the kitchen and sat down, his head in his hands. He shook his head. "I've tried EVERYTHING," he said miserably. He'd tried so hard to get the others to remember, but it seemed to be an impossible goal with Chris. "He doesn't believe in psychics, why would he believe in me loving Lance? I didn't expect him to blow up at me when I told him I was gay, either," he sighed. "Though Justin almost killed him for it...But I guess that's to be expected; I mean, when Lance first came out, he got it worse...That friend of his must've been really close...would be a nice birthday present if he could remember..." JC continued to ramble.

"He's never told anyone about him, remember? The guy that was raped and murdered? No one knew about him but Lance, and we didn't find out until a long while after. He's never told us; he's never had good reason to before." A small smile crept across JC's face and a flame of hope flickered in his eyes. "You think it'll work?" he asked.

Chris was on his back, looking at the ceiling. JC was his FRIEND, they'd been friends for so long...why had he lashed out? What a wonderful birthday tomorrow would be for JC, he thought wryly. Some friend you are. And then they were trying to convince him of the memory business...all THREE of them had been in at once, and he wouldn't be surprised if they decided to try again in a little while. His thoughts were interrupted when his door opened.

He heard JC sigh, but close the door behind him. "Look," he said, still as soft as before. "I know you don't...like me very much now, but...I was kind of hoping that we could, you know...get past it, and--"

JC closed his eyes. He KNEW Chris wasn't this close-minded. They could get past it...but his words and actions still hurt. "I really wish you didn't feel like that," he said, voice still quiet. "I never pegged you as a bigot."

"I don't care if you're not a racist, if you're not anti-Semitic, if you're not anti-ANYTHING besides this, but you still...you're still...you still call me those NAMES, Chris, and it HURTS. It HURTS when you say that."

"Why do you do that, Chris?" JC asked, his voice quiet once more. Chris could hear the hoarseness of the younger man's voice and silently cursed himself. "I can't change who I am; I can't change how I feel anymore than I can...become a woman." Chris snorted a little at that analogy and JC smiled a tiny smile as he sat down on the edge of Chris' bed. "See, Chris...I'm still the same perfectionist freak you've always known, I just happen to like guys -- one more than others, but--"

JC steeled himself. Now it was time. The next words were barely a whisper, but everyone in the room heard them. "All gays aren't like the guy that killed Derek," he said. "That doesn't happen to everybody."

Chris stood up so fast he felt dizzy and had to steady himself. "What...how did you-- how did you know about him?" he asked, voice trembling. "I NEVER told any of YOU," he gestured at the other three, noticing the presence of Joey and Justin, "Or KEN about what happened. As far as I know, none of you even knew I HAD a friend named Derek."

Lance watched from above, pacing and tapping his foot restlessly. He'd gotten into a bit of trouble for the whole lipstick-on-the-mirror incident and couldn't leave heaven until the next day. He frowned. It had been harmless, no one had been hurt by it. He'd TRIED to argue the point that he wanted to be cute for his friends, but the other high angel's weren't buying it and he was placed on some sort of house arrest for the day. How else was he supposed to answer the question though? And no one had ever told him writing on mirrors with lipstick was wrong. Of course, he WOULD be in trouble on one of the most critical days he'd ever had. For him, that is. He sighed and chewed on his lip, still pacing, and silently willing Chris to remember, JC to succeed in MAKING him remember, and Joey and Justin to just...not screw up and maybe even help a little. Was that too much ask?

"Chris," JC said, swallowing, "I know because you TOLD us all about him. You just don't remember it. There was never any reason for you to tell us in the new memories because in them, we were all straight -- well, except for ME, obviously, but I just didn't realize it -- and when you blew up at Lance when he first told us, I guess you told him then, we found out later..." the words came out in a rush as JC tried to get Chris to remember. "Please, Chris, how else could I have known if it hadn't happened already?"

Justin sat down on the bed next to JC. "He's right, Chris. How else could we have known? All three of us remember Lance. Joey and I remember how much in LOVE those two were, my GOD, it was so obvious! Any time they looked at each other one of them would smile. Anytime they might've been angry, the whole group could feel it. And now, for whatever reason, JC remembered what he had with Lance. And then Joey remembered that Lance was here. And now I do. The question is...do you?"

"Say yes," Lance pleaded, hopping from one foot to another and chewing on his nails. "Say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes..." He groaned. "I WISH I could help!" He instead repeated his phrase. "Say yes, say yes, say yes..."

"I don't...who did you talk to?" Chris asked suddenly. The others looked at him in surprise. "You HAVE to have called someone I know and asked about Derek...there's no other way, I never told you, I never said that...I NEVER told you guys about him, I would know it if I did. I--"

"Because then I'll be able to see him again," JC said softly. "He'll be in my dreams again, I can FEEL it, he will." A lone tear tracked down JC's face. "You have to remember," he pleaded quietly, crossing the room and standing out the door, knowing he had to leave or he'd lose it. "Please," he whispered, wiping his eye and leaving the room. The others could hear his footsteps go softly down the stairs.

Chris rubbed his temples wearily. "I don't understand," he said. "JC looks like he really loves this...guy," he said uncomfortably. "He remembers him, you remember him, and YOU remember him," he said, pointing to the other two haphazardly. "Yet I DON'T."

Joey sat down next to him. "Because you don't believe it. Think of it this way, Chris. If we wanted to--" Joey sighed and started again, pushing a hand through his hair. "Why would we drag up past memories -- memories that obviously upset you -- as some stupid practical joke? Why would we hurt you like that?" Chris shifted uncomfortably and Joey continued. "Justin and I both love to joke around," he said. "But we're serious here. JC didn't get great acting tips on MMC, he couldn't just make himself cry like that, and we all know it. He's not making this up because I remember it too. You don't remember because you don't believe in it."

Chris sighed and held out his arms when Busta came trotting into the room. The pug jumped happily into his master's arms and Chris scratched his head absently. "I don't know," he said finally. "I have a lot to think about." He was feeling something, he knew they were completely serious...but was there really another band member? A different one?

Chris nodded as the two turned to go. Just as they were stepping into the hallway, Busta whined and licked his hand. He looked down. "What?" he asked. Busta whined again, and a sudden vision flashed through his mind. "Wait," he said suddenly. Justin turned around, and pulled Joey back into Chris' view. "This is crazy. Was there ever...a...Oh my God. I can't believe--" he shook his head and started again. "I remember a dog," he said finally. "A big dog. Specifically...a Dalmatian."


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Sent From Above Chapter 73 "Hey, guys, I'm back!" Chris called up the stairs. "Listen to this!" Then he started singing. "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts--" Busta barked. "There they are a-standing in a row--" "Woof woof woof." Busta barked in the parts again. "Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head--" "What the HELL have you taught that poor thing, Gramps?" Justin asked from the top of the stairs. "He likes it, don't you Busta?" Chris cooed. "Woof!" "See?" Justin rolled his eyes. Chris looked up and saw all three of them staring at him. "What? What are you looking at me like that for?" ***** "He doesn't believe you, does he?" Joey asked sadly. JC walked into the kitchen and sat down, his head in his hands. He shook his head. "I've tried EVERYTHING," he said miserably. He'd tried so hard to get the others to remember, but it seemed to be an impossible goal with Chris. "He doesn't believe in psychics, why would he believe in me loving Lance? I didn't expect him to blow up at me when I told him I was gay, either," he sighed. "Though Justin almost killed him for it...But I guess that's to be expected; I mean, when Lance first came out, he got it worse...That friend of his must've been really close...would be a nice birthday present if he could remember..." JC continued to ramble. Joey snapped his fingers and his eyes widened. "Come up with me, Jace," he said, practically dragging the slightly older man to his feet. JC's hands left his eyes. "Huh?" He didn't receive an answer; Joey just dragged him up the stairs. "You gotta mention Derek," Joey whispered. "What?" "He's never told anyone about him, remember? The guy that was raped and murdered? No one knew about him but Lance, and we didn't find out until a long while after. He's never told us; he's never had good reason to before." A small smile crept across JC's face and a flame of hope flickered in his eyes. "You think it'll work?" he asked. "I hope so," Joey muttered. "Cause I don't think anything else will." * Chris was on his back, looking at the ceiling. JC was his FRIEND, they'd been friends for so long...why had he lashed out? What a wonderful birthday tomorrow would be for JC, he thought wryly. Some friend you are. And then they were trying to convince him of the memory business...all THREE of them had been in at once, and he wouldn't be surprised if they decided to try again in a little while. His thoughts were interrupted when his door opened. "Chris?" JC's soft voice called in. "Can I come in?" "Don't care," he muttered gruffly. Idiot! he admonished himself. Why are you such a prick? He heard JC sigh, but close the door behind him. "Look," he said, still as soft as before. "I know you don't...like me very much now, but...I was kind of hoping that we could, you know...get past it, and--" "Leave me alone," Chris said, turning over onto his side. Prick! his mind screamed. JC closed his eyes. He KNEW Chris wasn't this close-minded. They could get past it...but his words and actions still hurt. "I really wish you didn't feel like that," he said, voice still quiet. "I never pegged you as a bigot." "I'm NOT a bigot," Chris said, voice muffled by the pillow. "Then what is this? What was all the 'fag,' 'queer,' 'homo,' and 'fairy' shit? What was THAT?" JC asked, spitting out each of the insults. Chris winced. "I--" "I don't care if you're not a racist, if you're not anti-Semitic, if you're not anti-ANYTHING besides this, but you still...you're still...you still call me those NAMES, Chris, and it HURTS. It HURTS when you say that." "I know, but--" "Why do you do that, Chris?" JC asked, his voice quiet once more. Chris could hear the hoarseness of the younger man's voice and silently cursed himself. "I can't change who I am; I can't change how I feel anymore than I can...become a woman." Chris snorted a little at that analogy and JC smiled a tiny smile as he sat down on the edge of Chris' bed. "See, Chris...I'm still the same perfectionist freak you've always known, I just happen to like guys -- one more than others, but--" "Who?" "Lance," JC said softly. "You know that. I love him, I don't CARE if you don't remember him, I still love him." "It's not right," Chris said, his voice shaky. Neither man noticed the silent figures of Joey and Justin just inside the room. "It's wrong, you can't--" JC steeled himself. Now it was time. The next words were barely a whisper, but everyone in the room heard them. "All gays aren't like the guy that killed Derek," he said. "That doesn't happen to everybody." Chris stood up so fast he felt dizzy and had to steady himself. "What...how did you-- how did you know about him?" he asked, voice trembling. "I NEVER told any of YOU," he gestured at the other three, noticing the presence of Joey and Justin, "Or KEN about what happened. As far as I know, none of you even knew I HAD a friend named Derek." *** Lance watched from above, pacing and tapping his foot restlessly. He'd gotten into a bit of trouble for the whole lipstick-on-the-mirror incident and couldn't leave heaven until the next day. He frowned. It had been harmless, no one had been hurt by it. He'd TRIED to argue the point that he wanted to be cute for his friends, but the other high angel's weren't buying it and he was placed on some sort of house arrest for the day. How else was he supposed to answer the question though? And no one had ever told him writing on mirrors with lipstick was wrong. Of course, he WOULD be in trouble on one of the most critical days he'd ever had. For him, that is. He sighed and chewed on his lip, still pacing, and silently willing Chris to remember, JC to succeed in MAKING him remember, and Joey and Justin to just...not screw up and maybe even help a little. Was that too much ask? * "Chris," JC said, swallowing, "I know because you TOLD us all about him. You just don't remember it. There was never any reason for you to tell us in the new memories because in them, we were all straight -- well, except for ME, obviously, but I just didn't realize it -- and when you blew up at Lance when he first told us, I guess you told him then, we found out later..." the words came out in a rush as JC tried to get Chris to remember. "Please, Chris, how else could I have known if it hadn't happened already?" Justin sat down on the bed next to JC. "He's right, Chris. How else could we have known? All three of us remember Lance. Joey and I remember how much in LOVE those two were, my GOD, it was so obvious! Any time they looked at each other one of them would smile. Anytime they might've been angry, the whole group could feel it. And now, for whatever reason, JC remembered what he had with Lance. And then Joey remembered that Lance was here. And now I do. The question is...do you?" * "Say yes," Lance pleaded, hopping from one foot to another and chewing on his nails. "Say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes..." He groaned. "I WISH I could help!" He instead repeated his phrase. "Say yes, say yes, say yes..." *** "I don't...who did you talk to?" Chris asked suddenly. The others looked at him in surprise. "You HAVE to have called someone I know and asked about Derek...there's no other way, I never told you, I never said that...I NEVER told you guys about him, I would know it if I did. I--" JC stared at him in shock. "Chris, we didn't talk to ANYONE. You TOLD us, you just don't remember! You have to remember! The fights, the rehearsals, the parties, the truck--" "Why?" Chris asked. "Why is it so important for me to remember?" "Because then I'll be able to see him again," JC said softly. "He'll be in my dreams again, I can FEEL it, he will." A lone tear tracked down JC's face. "You have to remember," he pleaded quietly, crossing the room and standing out the door, knowing he had to leave or he'd lose it. "Please," he whispered, wiping his eye and leaving the room. The others could hear his footsteps go softly down the stairs. Chris rubbed his temples wearily. "I don't understand," he said. "JC looks like he really loves this...guy," he said uncomfortably. "He remembers him, you remember him, and YOU remember him," he said, pointing to the other two haphazardly. "Yet I DON'T." Joey sat down next to him. "Because you don't believe it. Think of it this way, Chris. If we wanted to--" Joey sighed and started again, pushing a hand through his hair. "Why would we drag up past memories -- memories that obviously upset you -- as some stupid practical joke? Why would we hurt you like that?" Chris shifted uncomfortably and Joey continued. "Justin and I both love to joke around," he said. "But we're serious here. JC didn't get great acting tips on MMC, he couldn't just make himself cry like that, and we all know it. He's not making this up because I remember it too. You don't remember because you don't believe in it." Chris sighed and held out his arms when Busta came trotting into the room. The pug jumped happily into his master's arms and Chris scratched his head absently. "I don't know," he said finally. "I have a lot to think about." He was feeling something, he knew they were completely serious...but was there really another band member? A different one? Joey got up with a sigh. "All right...you think about it," he said with a sad smile. He tugged on Justin's arm. "We'll be downstairs." Chris nodded as the two turned to go. Just as they were stepping into the hallway, Busta whined and licked his hand. He looked down. "What?" he asked. Busta whined again, and a sudden vision flashed through his mind. "Wait," he said suddenly. Justin turned around, and pulled Joey back into Chris' view. "This is crazy. Was there ever...a...Oh my God. I can't believe--" he shook his head and started again. "I remember a dog," he said finally. "A big dog. Specifically...a Dalmatian."