Chapter 53

Inner Reflection | home

Waiting...that's what they were all doing. Waiting. Lance looked around at his brothers. He didn't want to leave them. They meant SO much to him, he'd never been this close to anyone before, never ever been so close that he could tell how they felt by just a glance.

He'd never been in love.

JC was love. If love wanted to take form...JC would be it. He knew he was being cheesy, but dammit, he had the right. JC was perfect. Beautiful eyes, chiseled features...boy-next-door looks. Beautiful soul...Beautiful eyes...eyes that showed everything. Including passion. JC was so passionate about everything, and that made Lance just want to BE him for a day. Just see what it was LIKE to live everyday with the kind of passion JC did...with the kind of feeling. To feel what it was like to pour so much emotion into your voice that people would actually start to CRY. He heard JC singing the night before. He wanted to cry then. He didn't remember if he had. He thought back to remember the lyrics. There they were.

"And I know you're shining down on me from heaven...like so many friends we've lost along the way...and I know eventually we'll be together...one sweet day..."

He didn't know whether or not that was being sung in reference to him. He DID know that JC sounded a hell of a lot better than Mariah Carey. There was a song he'd sung last night too though. To get JC to go to sleep...JC couldn't sleep for the first time in a long while. JC loved his voice; he wondered why...it really wasn't anything special, to him. They were being cheesy...on their last night together. It just seemed to fit. It was Celine Dion's song...the one she sang with R. Kelly.

"I hear your voices when you call me...I am your Angel...and all hope gone I'm here, no matter how far you are, I'm near...it makes no difference who you are, I am your Angel, I am your Angel," he sang softly to himself again. As if it would help. Yeah right. They'd spend the night wrapped up in each other's arms, each drawing comfort the other provided. He knew they'd be together again someday. He just didn't want to wait.

Joey hadn't been able to crack a joke. He couldn't think of one with the tension in the room so thick it could be cut with a knife. He couldn't think. So he didn't know what to think when he saw the figure in white appear in the living room while he was pretending to watch TV.

"Where's Lance?" it asked.

"What?" he asked dumbly. Then his numbed mind recognized who it was.

"Oh...Nikolas, hi." Then his eyes widened. "No...NO...NO you can't...you can't take him away from us...you can't!"

His desperate cries brought the others skidding into the room. They screeched to a halt and slammed into each other in a way that would seem most comical if the situation were different. So much different. "No," JC said, shaking his head and pushing Lance behind him. "No." He tried to push Lance back into the other room, but found the door locked...from the other side. His eyes widened.

"You can't hide him," Nikolas said sadly. "It's time."

"I won't LET you take him!" JC cried wildly, his good arm curled around Lance in a grip so tight he didn't think he'd be able to let go, even if he wanted to.

Chris was staring at him in silent disbelief. Joey spoke up. "You...you're just going to..."

"Take him away from us," Justin finished softly. He'd come into the room much slower.

"You have a half hour to say goodbye," Nikolas said softly.

Lance peeked out from behind JC. "A half hour?! That's not..." At Nikolas' gaze he sighed. "Can you...?" Nikolas understood and walked outside.

Joey sunk to the floor. "Oh God. It's really happening, isn't it? You're really leaving and we're never going to see you again."

Lance closed his eyes. They'd never see him again, no, but they wouldn't remember him either. Him, on the other hand...he would see them AND remember them...but they'd have no idea who he was...everything they'd shared would just be...gone...He dropped to his knees beside Joey. "It's all right," he said. "You guys will be fine," he continued bravely. "I mean, you won't even remember me..." his voice cracked. "But I'll still be watching you, I promise, I'll always be watching you."

Nikolas observed quietly. There had been hugs, tears, and they even managed to laugh a little. Lance was putting on a very brave front for the others...they didn't really understand that they'd have no memory of him, how could they? But Lance knew, Lance knew that he'd remember them, see them everyday, but they would have no idea...Nikolas looked up at the sky. It was time.

Lance looked at the clock and knew his time was up. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry anymore. "James," he heard the voice of Nikolas say. "It's time for you to go."

JC looked up, eyes wide and bright with tears. "No," he said. "No, you can't." He shook his head. "Please, no, I'm begging you, don't take him away."

Nikolas looked away. He couldn't look at any of them. Chris tried to be strong, but he couldn't. His voice wavered as he spoke, walking over and embracing Lance. "Good luck," he said, not really knowing what to say.

"You..." he shook his head, unable to say anymore. But even now, it was almost like...he was going on vacation, or something.

Lance closed his eyes and fought past the lump in his throat. "Goodbye, Chris," he said. "I know you guys will be fine."

Justin was next. He was a mess. "Lance, you can't go," he sobbed. "Who am I gonna sneak past security with?" Lance took him in his arms, and the teenager sobbed into his shoulder. "Who'll be on my side when we go north on south? Who will listen to me when the..." he couldn't continue. None of them were really ones to just start breaking down, but this was too much for all of them to handle. Lance had never cried when he'd been alive...you just didn't DO that then. But now...

"Shh...you're all right," Lance said. "It's okay."

"No it's not," Justin cried, not caring that each sob was putting him in pain. "It's not. You're going. Why are you leaving?"

"I have to," Lance said quietly. "Believe me...if I could change it, I would. Goodbye, Justin. Take care of Josh." He moved to Joey. "Joe...stay out of trouble, okay? I'll still be watching you."

Joey managed a smile. "I know I'll be in the best of hands, then." He hugged Lance. "Bye, Scoop..." he found himself strangely calm.

"Bye Joey. I'll miss...talking to you." Lance took a deep breath before moving to JC on the floor. "Josh..."

Joey's eyes were rimmed red with tears when he looked up at Nikolas. "Look at what you're doing to them," he almost hissed. "Look at what you're doing to US!"

Nikolas looked at him, then at JC and Lance embracing on the floor, but didn't say a word. "I thought you were Lance's FRIEND. Can't you do anything?"

"Those are the rules," Nikolas said simply. "I didn't make them. I can't change them."

"Screw the rules!" Joey yelled. "Don't I get a say in this? He's MY angel for crying out loud!"

"Joseph," Nikolas admonished, "He's not YOUR property. He was assigned to you. Now he must return. You're lucky enough that he'll be watching you." They both turned and looked at JC and Lance. Lance was talking softly to JC.

"I'm not going to apologize," Joey said, still staring.

"You can't go," JC was still saying. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Josh, but..." Lance sighed. "To sound cliche...higher forces are going to prevail here. We'll be together again before you know it. And you'll remember me...when you die. But you're not going to die; you're going to live...live until you're so old you can't move. Then we'll be together again." He knew there was nothing he could do. Both wished there was. At least JC wouldn't be hurting. He'd forget. If that made Lance hurt more...then so be it. "I never...I never thought I'd fall in love Josh...but even though I have to leave you, I don't regret it. I don't regret it." He paused, and his hand went to his neck. "I never gave you anything," he said.

JC shook his head. "I don't need anything."

"I want to give you something," Lance said. He unclasped the cross JC had given him for his birthday. "Here," he said, fastening it around JC's neck. "Keep this."

JC shook his head in protest. "No, that's yours! I gave it to you!"

"I know you did, Josh, but now I'm giving it to you. I'll see you wearing it...and it'll make me feel better. Like you're still with me, in a way...You won't know where it came from...but it's a little piece of me...and I want you to have it. Please?"

JC finally nodded, looking down at the cross that hung from his neck now, feeling the new weight. "I love you," he said. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Lance said, tracing JC's jawbone. He moved his hand all around JC's face, slowly tracing each feature.

"What are you doing?" JC whispered. "Memorizing me by heart?"

Lance shook his head. "I already know you by heart." He gave JC another hug, and Nikolas motioned that it was time to go. They kissed one last time. Two more tears escaped Lance's eyes and landed on the necklace.

Lance's lips were salty. JC held him tighter with his right arm, and tried to prolong the kiss as long as he could. They finally pulled apart. "I'll miss you," JC said.

Lance looked at him sadly. "No, you won't."

"It's time to go, James," Nikolas said. Lance shook his head, his forehead pressed again to JC's. "James." He was ignored. "JAMES!" he said sharply. He was again ignored. He walked over and forcibly pulled the two apart, dragging Lance away.

"No," Lance said, shaking Nikolas off of him. "No."

"Stop this nonsense."

"Nonsense?" Lance asked, glaring at him. "Nonsense?!"

Nikolas winced. "No. But it is time to go."

His words hit Lance full force. Up until now, it seemed like the minute would never come. But it was here. He looked around at his friends, his brothers...his lover. All had tears in there eyes, Justin was trying his best to comfort JC, and Chris and Joey were helping them both. It was time to go. Nikolas said it again.

And Lance completely lost it.

Nikolas tugged on his arm. "No, please," Lance said, tears running down his face. "Don't make me go. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go." He collapsed in a heap at Nikolas' feet. Nikolas put a hand on Lance's shoulder. "Don't touch me," he sobbed. "I don't want to go," he said again. Nikolas looked away and snapped his fingers. Instantly, two more angels appeared, each one firmly grasping one of Lance's arms. "No, please, don't make me go," he begged, the fight slowly leaving his body. "No," he sobbed again.

"I'm sorry..." Nikolas whispered.

"Please," he whispered, his voice trailing off. The others watched in rapt fascination; the way one would stare at a car wreck, not wanting to see it, but not wanting to tear yourself away. They watched as the four angels started to glow. Lance looked at them all. "See you soon," he said. Then he turned to JC. "I love you," he said. "I love you more than anything. We'll be together again someday, I promise. I love you," he said again, and then they were gone. No smoke, no noise, just...gone.

JC felt himself jostled awake by Chris' incessant bouncing on the bed. "What?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"You all right? Your eyes look puffy," Chris commenting, slowing his bouncing down a bit.

JC rubbed them again. "Yeah," he said, a confused look on his face. He stretched both arms out and yawned.

"Oh well...time for breakfast," Chris chirped. He tugged on JC's left arm, pulling him off the bed and onto the floor.

"CHRIS! I'm up, I'm up," he said. "My God, how old are you?"

Suddenly, Chris sat up straight, and JC had to do some very careful maneuvering to avoid getting his nose broken. He was about to say something, when Chris pointed to a necklace that had pulled its way out from behind the wifebeater JC wore to bed. "What the hell is that?"

JC looked down and his eyes widened. "I don't know," he said, staring at the cross that was hanging around his neck.

"It's nice," Chris admitted, "but where did you get it?"

"I don't know," he said again, his voice full of bewilderment.

"Chris! JC!" a voice called.

"All right!" Chris shouted back. "Whatever," he said.

JC shrugged and fingered the silver. "Yeah." He followed after Chris. Then he looked at it again, flipping it around...noticing the inscription. His eyes widened when he saw the JSC. "My initials," he said, though he thought that could've been a coincidence. Somehow, he didn't think so. "But JLB? And who the hell is Lance?"


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Sent From Above Chapter 53 Waiting...that's what they were all doing. Waiting. Lance looked around at his brothers. He didn't want to leave them. They meant SO much to him, he'd never been this close to anyone before, never ever been so close that he could tell how they felt by just a glance. He'd never been in love. JC was love. If love wanted to take form...JC would be it. He knew he was being cheesy, but dammit, he had the right. JC was perfect. Beautiful eyes, chiseled features...boy-next-door looks. Beautiful soul...Beautiful eyes...eyes that showed everything. Including passion. JC was so passionate about everything, and that made Lance just want to BE him for a day. Just see what it was LIKE to live everyday with the kind of passion JC did...with the kind of feeling. To feel what it was like to pour so much emotion into your voice that people would actually start to CRY. He heard JC singing the night before. He wanted to cry then. He didn't remember if he had. He thought back to remember the lyrics. There they were. "And I know you're shining down on me from heaven...like so many friends we've lost along the way...and I know eventually we'll be together...one sweet day..." He didn't know whether or not that was being sung in reference to him. He DID know that JC sounded a hell of a lot better than Mariah Carey. There was a song he'd sung last night too though. To get JC to go to sleep...JC couldn't sleep for the first time in a long while. JC loved his voice; he wondered why...it really wasn't anything special, to him. They were being cheesy...on their last night together. It just seemed to fit. It was Celine Dion's song...the one she sang with R. Kelly. "I hear your voices when you call me...I am your Angel...and all hope gone I'm here, no matter how far you are, I'm near...it makes no difference who you are, I am your Angel, I am your Angel," he sang softly to himself again. As if it would help. Yeah right. They'd spend the night wrapped up in each other's arms, each drawing comfort the other provided. He knew they'd be together again someday. He just didn't want to wait. ***** Joey hadn't been able to crack a joke. He couldn't think of one with the tension in the room so thick it could be cut with a knife. He couldn't think. So he didn't know what to think when he saw the figure in white appear in the living room while he was pretending to watch TV. "Where's Lance?" it asked. "What?" he asked dumbly. Then his numbed mind recognized who it was. "Oh...Nikolas, hi." Then his eyes widened. "No...NO...NO you can't...you can't take him away from us...you can't!" His desperate cries brought the others skidding into the room. They screeched to a halt and slammed into each other in a way that would seem most comical if the situation were different. So much different. "No," JC said, shaking his head and pushing Lance behind him. "No." He tried to push Lance back into the other room, but found the door locked...from the other side. His eyes widened. "You can't hide him," Nikolas said sadly. "It's time." "I won't LET you take him!" JC cried wildly, his good arm curled around Lance in a grip so tight he didn't think he'd be able to let go, even if he wanted to. Chris was staring at him in silent disbelief. Joey spoke up. "You...you're just going to..." "Take him away from us," Justin finished softly. He'd come into the room much slower. "You have a half hour to say goodbye," Nikolas said softly. Lance peeked out from behind JC. "A half hour?! That's not..." At Nikolas' gaze he sighed. "Can you...?" Nikolas understood and walked outside. Joey sunk to the floor. "Oh God. It's really happening, isn't it? You're really leaving and we're never going to see you again." Lance closed his eyes. They'd never see him again, no, but they wouldn't remember him either. Him, on the other hand...he would see them AND remember them...but they'd have no idea who he was...everything they'd shared would just be...gone...He dropped to his knees beside Joey. "It's all right," he said. "You guys will be fine," he continued bravely. "I mean, you won't even remember me..." his voice cracked. "But I'll still be watching you, I promise, I'll always be watching you." * Nikolas observed quietly. There had been hugs, tears, and they even managed to laugh a little. Lance was putting on a very brave front for the others...they didn't really understand that they'd have no memory of him, how could they? But Lance knew, Lance knew that he'd remember them, see them everyday, but they would have no idea...Nikolas looked up at the sky. It was time. * Lance looked at the clock and knew his time was up. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry anymore. "James," he heard the voice of Nikolas say. "It's time for you to go." JC looked up, eyes wide and bright with tears. "No," he said. "No, you can't." He shook his head. "Please, no, I'm begging you, don't take him away." Nikolas looked away. He couldn't look at any of them. Chris tried to be strong, but he couldn't. His voice wavered as he spoke, walking over and embracing Lance. "Good luck," he said, not really knowing what to say. "You..." he shook his head, unable to say anymore. But even now, it was almost like...he was going on vacation, or something. Lance closed his eyes and fought past the lump in his throat. "Goodbye, Chris," he said. "I know you guys will be fine." Justin was next. He was a mess. "Lance, you can't go," he sobbed. "Who am I gonna sneak past security with?" Lance took him in his arms, and the teenager sobbed into his shoulder. "Who'll be on my side when we go north on south? Who will listen to me when the..." he couldn't continue. None of them were really ones to just start breaking down, but this was too much for all of them to handle. Lance had never cried when he'd been alive...you just didn't DO that then. But now... "Shh...you're all right," Lance said. "It's okay." "No it's not," Justin cried, not caring that each sob was putting him in pain. "It's not. You're going. Why are you leaving?" "I have to," Lance said quietly. "Believe me...if I could change it, I would. Goodbye, Justin. Take care of Josh." He moved to Joey. "Joe...stay out of trouble, okay? I'll still be watching you." Joey managed a smile. "I know I'll be in the best of hands, then." He hugged Lance. "Bye, Scoop..." he found himself strangely calm. "Bye Joey. I'll miss...talking to you." Lance took a deep breath before moving to JC on the floor. "Josh..." Joey's eyes were rimmed red with tears when he looked up at Nikolas. "Look at what you're doing to them," he almost hissed. "Look at what you're doing to US!" Nikolas looked at him, then at JC and Lance embracing on the floor, but didn't say a word. "I thought you were Lance's FRIEND. Can't you do anything?" "Those are the rules," Nikolas said simply. "I didn't make them. I can't change them." "Screw the rules!" Joey yelled. "Don't I get a say in this? He's MY angel for crying out loud!" "Joseph," Nikolas admonished, "He's not YOUR property. He was assigned to you. Now he must return. You're lucky enough that he'll be watching you." They both turned and looked at JC and Lance. Lance was talking softly to JC. "I'm not going to apologize," Joey said, still staring. "You can't go," JC was still saying. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much." "I love you too, Josh, but..." Lance sighed. "To sound cliche...higher forces are going to prevail here. We'll be together again before you know it. And you'll remember me...when you die. But you're not going to die; you're going to live...live until you're so old you can't move. Then we'll be together again." He knew there was nothing he could do. Both wished there was. At least JC wouldn't be hurting. He'd forget. If that made Lance hurt more...then so be it. "I never...I never thought I'd fall in love Josh...but even though I have to leave you, I don't regret it. I don't regret it." He paused, and his hand went to his neck. "I never gave you anything," he said. JC shook his head. "I don't need anything." "I want to give you something," Lance said. He unclasped the cross JC had given him for his birthday. "Here," he said, fastening it around JC's neck. "Keep this." JC shook his head in protest. "No, that's yours! I gave it to you!" "I know you did, Josh, but now I'm giving it to you. I'll see you wearing it...and it'll make me feel better. Like you're still with me, in a way...You won't know where it came from...but it's a little piece of me...and I want you to have it. Please?" JC finally nodded, looking down at the cross that hung from his neck now, feeling the new weight. "I love you," he said. "I love you so much." "I love you too," Lance said, tracing JC's jawbone. He moved his hand all around JC's face, slowly tracing each feature. "What are you doing?" JC whispered. "Memorizing me by heart?" Lance shook his head. "I already know you by heart." He gave JC another hug, and Nikolas motioned that it was time to go. They kissed one last time. Two more tears escaped Lance's eyes and landed on the necklace. Lance's lips were salty. JC held him tighter with his right arm, and tried to prolong the kiss as long as he could. They finally pulled apart. "I'll miss you," JC said. Lance looked at him sadly. "No, you won't." "It's time to go, James," Nikolas said. Lance shook his head, his forehead pressed again to JC's. "James." He was ignored. "JAMES!" he said sharply. He was again ignored. He walked over and forcibly pulled the two apart, dragging Lance away. "No," Lance said, shaking Nikolas off of him. "No." "Stop this nonsense." "Nonsense?" Lance asked, glaring at him. "Nonsense?!" Nikolas winced. "No. But it is time to go." His words hit Lance full force. Up until now, it seemed like the minute would never come. But it was here. He looked around at his friends, his brothers...his lover. All had tears in there eyes, Justin was trying his best to comfort JC, and Chris and Joey were helping them both. It was time to go. Nikolas said it again. And Lance completely lost it. Nikolas tugged on his arm. "No, please," Lance said, tears running down his face. "Don't make me go. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go." He collapsed in a heap at Nikolas' feet. Nikolas put a hand on Lance's shoulder. "Don't touch me," he sobbed. "I don't want to go," he said again. Nikolas looked away and snapped his fingers. Instantly, two more angels appeared, each one firmly grasping one of Lance's arms. "No, please, don't make me go," he begged, the fight slowly leaving his body. "No," he sobbed again. "I'm sorry..." Nikolas whispered. "Please," he whispered, his voice trailing off. The others watched in rapt fascination; the way one would stare at a car wreck, not wanting to see it, but not wanting to tear yourself away. They watched as the four angels started to glow. Lance looked at them all. "See you soon," he said. Then he turned to JC. "I love you," he said. "I love you more than anything. We'll be together again someday, I promise. I love you," he said again, and then they were gone. No smoke, no noise, just...gone. ***** "Wake up, JC!" JC felt himself jostled awake by Chris' incessant bouncing on the bed. "What?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes. "You all right? Your eyes look puffy," Chris commenting, slowing his bouncing down a bit. JC rubbed them again. "Yeah," he said, a confused look on his face. He stretched both arms out and yawned. "Oh well...time for breakfast," Chris chirped. He tugged on JC's left arm, pulling him off the bed and onto the floor. "CHRIS! I'm up, I'm up," he said. "My God, how old are you?" Suddenly, Chris sat up straight, and JC had to do some very careful maneuvering to avoid getting his nose broken. He was about to say something, when Chris pointed to a necklace that had pulled its way out from behind the wifebeater JC wore to bed. "What the hell is that?" JC looked down and his eyes widened. "I don't know," he said, staring at the cross that was hanging around his neck. "It's nice," Chris admitted, "but where did you get it?" "I don't know," he said again, his voice full of bewilderment. "Chris! JC!" a voice called. "All right!" Chris shouted back. "Whatever," he said. JC shrugged and fingered the silver. "Yeah." He followed after Chris. Then he looked at it again, flipping it around...noticing the inscription. His eyes widened when he saw the JSC. "My initials," he said, though he thought that could've been a coincidence. Somehow, he didn't think so. "But JLB? And who the hell is Lance?"