Chapter 12

JC stood in the airport terminal, trying to act inconspicuous, hoping no one would recognize him. Lonnie stood off to the side, reading a newspaper, one eye on his charge. JC pulled the bucket hat lower on his head as two teenage girls walked past, and breathed a sigh of relief as they didn't even glance his way.

He checked his watch for the tenth time in two minutes and sighed. Where the hell was her plane? Bobbi was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago, and JC was beginning to get antsy as the waiting room filled up with friends and family members of the passengers.

JC didn't answer Lonnie, he just looked at his watch again. He didn't know why he was nervous. He guessed it was partly because of the airport crowds, but it was late in the evening, almost ten, and it wasn't as crowded as it would have been earlier in the day.

He thought about Bobbi coming to join them for the next week on tour and realized that's why he was so nervous. He still hadn't told Bobbi about Lance being gay, and he wasn't sure how she was going to react.

Plus, he needed to talk to someone who wasn't directly involved. He couldn't talk to any of the guys because they all thought he was being an asshole about the whole situation. Even Justin, who he tried talking to once told him he should get over whatever was bothering him and move on.

To tell the truth, he wasn't sure he should even tell Bobbi. Chris had told Dani, of course, but JC knew they were more serious than he and Bobbi were. Hell, two weeks ago, he was planning on breaking up with her. What would happen is he told her Lance's secret and they broke up? What would stop her from running to the press with everything she knew?

JC shook his head, she wouldn't do that to him. If they broke up, Bobbi was smart enough to know that something like that may ruin their careers. Plus, she was a genuinely nice person. No matter how mad at JC she got, she would never send Lance down the river like that.

An announcement was made that her plane had landed and JC turned his attention to the door where the passengers would be unloading. He knew Bobbi was going to have a lot of questions about what was bothering him. Ever since that night he called her in the early morning hours, she had been trying to find out what the problem was. He had brushed it off, telling her he was drunk, which was true, and they had been talking about their girlfriends, and he missed her, that's all. JC knew she didn't believe him, but she trusted him enough to let it go, to not grill him on the topic. When he wanted to talk, he would.

JC saw her walking down the ramp, and her eyes flickered to the corners of the lounge, knowing he would try to stay away from the crowds. She saw him and smiled, and JC couldn't help but feel a twinge knowing that her smile was only for him.

JC hugged her close, burying his face in her hair, “I've missed you, too.” He pulled away, taking her carryon bag from her and slinging it over his shoulder. His hand trailed down her arm until their hands were linked together. With Lonnie close behind, they headed to the luggage carousel to get her other bags.

Bobbi looked up at JC as they walked. She noticed that he seemed to age ten years since she had seen him last. She had been rattled when he called her at four in the morning, but she knew JC well enough to know he wouldn't talk about what was bothering him until he was good and ready. When he called her, asking her to join them on tour for a week, she knew he couldn't keep it inside any more.

Bobbi looked up from the bed at JC, who had been pacing silently for the last fifteen minutes. She had waited patiently for him to begin talking, knowing he was working up the courage to tell her something. This was the last thing she expected to hear.

She raised her eyebrows, “Joey? He told Joey before you?” She was truly shocked, JC had always spoken of how close Lance and him were, she never expected him to tell Joey.

“Yeah,” he said bitterly, “he told Joey. And then we were drinking one night, and Chris asked Lance why he never had a girlfriend, and Joey spilled his guts.”

Bobbi stood, moving to the bathroom to get her brush. Pulling her long hair into a ponytail, she spoke to JC. “Of course he should have told you, JC, I'm not disputing that. But,” she sighed as she looked at him, “look at this from his point of view. He was probably scared. You four are his best friends in the whole world, if you rejected him, what was he going to do? He has to spend practically every waking minute with you guys.”

JC looked at the floor, shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair as he looked up at her, “I cannot believe you're taking his side.”

Bobbi stood in front of him, taking his hands in hers, “JC, I'm not taking sides here. I just know what you're feeling.”

“You're feeling hurt, you're feeling betrayed, and you're feeling lost.” She crossed her hands over her chest, “Does that about cover it?”

“Look, JC,” she said softly, “I'm sure Lance never meant to hurt you. Didn't he tell you that? Didn't he explain to you why he told Joey before you?” JC looked away sheepishly, and she gasped. “You're not talking to him, are you? You're not even giving him a chance to explain anything!” She glared at him, “God, JC, what the hell kind of friend are you? This major thing comes to light, and you push him away? He's your best friend! What are you thinking?”

JC turned on her, “He is not my best friend! I thought he was, but he isn't! He lost that title as soon as he decided he couldn't trust me!”

“Dammit, Bobbi, why can't you understand this? He doesn't trust me!” JC spoke the words slowly, as if spelling them out for her.

She shook her head as she got into bed, “And why should he, JC? What did you do the second you found out about him? You walked out, you turned your back. Some friend you are.” She pulled the covers up around her shoulders and rolled over, putting her back to him.

JC stared at her back, angry. He thought she would see it his way, tell him he was right to be mad, right to be hurt. Instead, she took Lance's side, just like all the others.

Bobbi faced JC the next morning over breakfast. They were sitting in the hotel lobby, he was cutting a bagel in half, spreading cream cheese on one side. They hadn't spoken a word to each other all morning, and Bobbi knew this was going to be a long week if she didn't do something about it.

“JC, I'm sorry,” she said quietly. He nodded in response, but didn't answer. She covered his hand on the table, “There's more to this than what you're telling me.” He looked up at her, briefly meeting her eyes before looking away. “What's going on? Please, JC, tell me.”

He sighed and studied his bagel. The waiter appeared and set their food in front of them, and he heard Bobbi politely thanking the waiter. He waited until he walked away before looking up at her.

“I don't know, Bobbi. I don't know what's wrong. I know I'm pissed at Lance, but it's more than the fact that he didn't trust me, you know? I just don't know what it is.” He looked back down at his eggs and took a shaky breath. “Me and Lance did everything together. We shared a room, we talked about life, about missing home, we talked about girls, and now,” he lifted his shoulders, “It's different. I can't do that anymore, I just don't feel comfortable around him anymore,” he admitted softly.

Bobbi studied JC and felt a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was not going to end well, she knew that. She knew someone was going to be hurt.

JC slammed his fork on his plate, “He has changed, Bobbi! I don't know what it is, but he's different. He stands up to Chris now, he goes out with Joey more now, he actually plays basketball with Justin. He's just different,” he ended lamely.

Bobbi spoke softly to JC, “This isn't about him anymore, JC. This is about you. You feel like he doesn't need you anymore.”

“He doesn't need you, JC, and you're beginning to realize that. By shutting him out, you thought he was going to crack or something, you thought he was going to become reclusive because you weren't talking to him. But now you see that he can go on. He doesn't need you to go out, he doesn't need you to play games, and he doesn't need you to protect him from Chris. By admitting one little fact, the fact that he's gay, he's become a stronger person. And you hate the fact that you don't have to protect him any longer.” She looked into his eyes, “He doesn't need you to protect him.”

Bobbi rolled her eyes, “Come on, JC, be honest with yourself for once! How many times did you call me telling me that Chris was picking on Lance, and how you wished he would stop? How many times did you talk to Chris about that fact? I was there for some of the times that you stood up to Chris for him!”

She reached across the table for his hand, “Don't you get it yet, JC? This has to be turned onto you! Lance isn't the one talking to you, you're the one not talking to him. You're the one with the problem. None of this is Lance's fault.” She lowered her voice so other patrons couldn't hear, “Lance didn't choose to be gay, JC, it's who he is. Understand that. And understand no matter how strong Lance may be, he still needs you. You're his best friend, although you seem to be forgetting that with the way you're acting.”


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Secret Desires Chapter 12 CONVESATION MEANS BEING ABLE TO DISAGREE AND STILL CONTINUE THE DISCUSSION. *DWIGHT MacDONALD CHAPTER TWELVE-CONVERSATIONS JC stood in the airport terminal, trying to act inconspicuous, hoping no one would recognize him. Lonnie stood off to the side, reading a newspaper, one eye on his charge. JC pulled the bucket hat lower on his head as two teenage girls walked past, and breathed a sigh of relief as they didn't even glance his way. He checked his watch for the tenth time in two minutes and sighed. Where the hell was her plane? Bobbi was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago, and JC was beginning to get antsy as the waiting room filled up with friends and family members of the passengers. Lonnie looked up from his newspaper, “Why don't you sit down?” JC shook his head, “I can't, I'm too nervous. I just want to get the hell out of here.” “What are you nervous about?” Lonnie asked, “no one spotted you yet. I think you're pretty much in the clear.” JC didn't answer Lonnie, he just looked at his watch again. He didn't know why he was nervous. He guessed it was partly because of the airport crowds, but it was late in the evening, almost ten, and it wasn't as crowded as it would have been earlier in the day. He thought about Bobbi coming to join them for the next week on tour and realized that's why he was so nervous. He still hadn't told Bobbi about Lance being gay, and he wasn't sure how she was going to react. Plus, he needed to talk to someone who wasn't directly involved. He couldn't talk to any of the guys because they all thought he was being an asshole about the whole situation. Even Justin, who he tried talking to once told him he should get over whatever was bothering him and move on. Trouble was, he didn't know exactly what was bothering him. To tell the truth, he wasn't sure he should even tell Bobbi. Chris had told Dani, of course, but JC knew they were more serious than he and Bobbi were. Hell, two weeks ago, he was planning on breaking up with her. What would happen is he told her Lance's secret and they broke up? What would stop her from running to the press with everything she knew? JC shook his head, she wouldn't do that to him. If they broke up, Bobbi was smart enough to know that something like that may ruin their careers. Plus, she was a genuinely nice person. No matter how mad at JC she got, she would never send Lance down the river like that. An announcement was made that her plane had landed and JC turned his attention to the door where the passengers would be unloading. He knew Bobbi was going to have a lot of questions about what was bothering him. Ever since that night he called her in the early morning hours, she had been trying to find out what the problem was. He had brushed it off, telling her he was drunk, which was true, and they had been talking about their girlfriends, and he missed her, that's all. JC knew she didn't believe him, but she trusted him enough to let it go, to not grill him on the topic. When he wanted to talk, he would. JC saw her walking down the ramp, and her eyes flickered to the corners of the lounge, knowing he would try to stay away from the crowds. She saw him and smiled, and JC couldn't help but feel a twinge knowing that her smile was only for him. “Hey, Baby,” she said, as she hugged him. She kissed his lips, “I missed you.” JC hugged her close, burying his face in her hair, “I've missed you, too.” He pulled away, taking her carryon bag from her and slinging it over his shoulder. His hand trailed down her arm until their hands were linked together. With Lonnie close behind, they headed to the luggage carousel to get her other bags. Bobbi looked up at JC as they walked. She noticed that he seemed to age ten years since she had seen him last. She had been rattled when he called her at four in the morning, but she knew JC well enough to know he wouldn't talk about what was bothering him until he was good and ready. When he called her, asking her to join them on tour for a week, she knew he couldn't keep it inside any more. “So, JC,” she said as they waited for her bags, “what's up?” He looked down at her, a sad look in his eyes, “We need to talk when we get back to the hotel.” Bobbi squeezed his hand. “Are you alright?” She was surprised to see tears forming in JC's eyes. He shook his head, “I don't know, Bobbi, I don't know.” “Lance is gay.” Bobbi looked up from the bed at JC, who had been pacing silently for the last fifteen minutes. She had waited patiently for him to begin talking, knowing he was working up the courage to tell her something. This was the last thing she expected to hear. “What?” she asked, stunned. JC stopped his pacing and faced her, “Lance is gay,” he repeated. Bobbi opened her mouth, “Oh my God,” she whispered, shaking her head, “I never even suspected.” JC snorted, “Yeah, neither did we.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide, “How did he tell you?” JC laughed humorlessly and began pacing again. “That's just it, Bobbi, he didn't tell me! Joey did.” She raised her eyebrows, “Joey? He told Joey before you?” She was truly shocked, JC had always spoken of how close Lance and him were, she never expected him to tell Joey. “Yeah,” he said bitterly, “he told Joey. And then we were drinking one night, and Chris asked Lance why he never had a girlfriend, and Joey spilled his guts.” Bobbi put a hand to her chest, “That's horrible, having everyone find out that way.” JC turned to her, incredulous, “Horrible? Don't you think he should have told us anyway?” Bobbi stood, moving to the bathroom to get her brush. Pulling her long hair into a ponytail, she spoke to JC. “Of course he should have told you, JC, I'm not disputing that. But,” she sighed as she looked at him, “look at this from his point of view. He was probably scared. You four are his best friends in the whole world, if you rejected him, what was he going to do? He has to spend practically every waking minute with you guys.” JC looked at the floor, shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair as he looked up at her, “I cannot believe you're taking his side.” Bobbi stood in front of him, taking his hands in hers, “JC, I'm not taking sides here. I just know what you're feeling.” JC pulled away from her, “You have no idea what I'm feeling.” “You're feeling hurt, you're feeling betrayed, and you're feeling lost.” She crossed her hands over her chest, “Does that about cover it?” “You forgot confused,” he muttered so only he could hear. “What?” JC turned to her, “Yeah, you covered it.” “Look, JC,” she said softly, “I'm sure Lance never meant to hurt you. Didn't he tell you that? Didn't he explain to you why he told Joey before you?” JC looked away sheepishly, and she gasped. “You're not talking to him, are you? You're not even giving him a chance to explain anything!” She glared at him, “God, JC, what the hell kind of friend are you? This major thing comes to light, and you push him away? He's your best friend! What are you thinking?” JC turned on her, “He is not my best friend! I thought he was, but he isn't! He lost that title as soon as he decided he couldn't trust me!” Bobbi crossed her arms and stood up to JC, “So, let me get this straight. This is about your pride?” “Dammit, Bobbi, why can't you understand this? He doesn't trust me!” JC spoke the words slowly, as if spelling them out for her. She shook her head as she got into bed, “And why should he, JC? What did you do the second you found out about him? You walked out, you turned your back. Some friend you are.” She pulled the covers up around her shoulders and rolled over, putting her back to him. JC stared at her back, angry. He thought she would see it his way, tell him he was right to be mad, right to be hurt. Instead, she took Lance's side, just like all the others. JC had never felt so alone. Bobbi faced JC the next morning over breakfast. They were sitting in the hotel lobby, he was cutting a bagel in half, spreading cream cheese on one side. They hadn't spoken a word to each other all morning, and Bobbi knew this was going to be a long week if she didn't do something about it. “JC, I'm sorry,” she said quietly. He nodded in response, but didn't answer. She covered his hand on the table, “There's more to this than what you're telling me.” He looked up at her, briefly meeting her eyes before looking away. “What's going on? Please, JC, tell me.” He sighed and studied his bagel. The waiter appeared and set their food in front of them, and he heard Bobbi politely thanking the waiter. He waited until he walked away before looking up at her. “I don't know, Bobbi. I don't know what's wrong. I know I'm pissed at Lance, but it's more than the fact that he didn't trust me, you know? I just don't know what it is.” He looked back down at his eggs and took a shaky breath. “Me and Lance did everything together. We shared a room, we talked about life, about missing home, we talked about girls, and now,” he lifted his shoulders, “It's different. I can't do that anymore, I just don't feel comfortable around him anymore,” he admitted softly. Bobbi studied JC and felt a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was not going to end well, she knew that. She knew someone was going to be hurt. “Why is it different, JC? He hasn't changed, he's still the same person.” JC slammed his fork on his plate, “He has changed, Bobbi! I don't know what it is, but he's different. He stands up to Chris now, he goes out with Joey more now, he actually plays basketball with Justin. He's just different,” he ended lamely. Bobbi spoke softly to JC, “This isn't about him anymore, JC. This is about you. You feel like he doesn't need you anymore.” JC looked up at her sharply, “What? That's ridiculous.” “He doesn't need you, JC, and you're beginning to realize that. By shutting him out, you thought he was going to crack or something, you thought he was going to become reclusive because you weren't talking to him. But now you see that he can go on. He doesn't need you to go out, he doesn't need you to play games, and he doesn't need you to protect him from Chris. By admitting one little fact, the fact that he's gay, he's become a stronger person. And you hate the fact that you don't have to protect him any longer.” She looked into his eyes, “He doesn't need you to protect him.” JC scoffed, “That's ridiculous,” he said. “I never protected him, as you say.” Bobbi rolled her eyes, “Come on, JC, be honest with yourself for once! How many times did you call me telling me that Chris was picking on Lance, and how you wished he would stop? How many times did you talk to Chris about that fact? I was there for some of the times that you stood up to Chris for him!” “Okay? So what if I did? God, Bobbi,” JC said angrily, “how are you turning this on to me?” She reached across the table for his hand, “Don't you get it yet, JC? This has to be turned onto you! Lance isn't the one talking to you, you're the one not talking to him. You're the one with the problem. None of this is Lance's fault.” She lowered her voice so other patrons couldn't hear, “Lance didn't choose to be gay, JC, it's who he is. Understand that. And understand no matter how strong Lance may be, he still needs you. You're his best friend, although you seem to be forgetting that with the way you're acting.” JC returned his attention to his food, “I hate when you're right,” he muttered.