Chapter 1

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Chapter 1

A MAN CAN HIDE ALL THINGS, EXCEPTING TWAIN-

THAT HE IS DRUNK, AND THAT HE IS IN LOVE.

*ANTHIPHANES

CHAPTER ONE--ADMITTING

The hot water cascaded over the person standing in the shower, but no attention was paid to it.

The person's thoughts were elsewhere, trying to figure out the exact moment the feelings for JC Chasez were brought to the surface.

Little details of JC were brought forth into the mind of the person under the water.

Black hair, usually perfectly styled, but attractively messy in the morning hours right after he woke up. Blue eyes shone brightly under the perfect eyebrows. His nose was slightly too large for his chiseled face, but it was endearing and the person under the water smiled slightly at the thought of it. His lips were full, almost begging to be kissed. His only imperfection was the slight gap between his two front teeth, which was displayed often when the boyish smile crossed his face.

And his body, tall and lanky, he almost bounced when he walked. He was so full of energy, whether it was stepping on a sound stage for a talk show taping, or stepping onto their own stage, ready for a night of performing. His muscles were tight, from hours of dancing, of practicing, wanting everything to be perfect.

And his voice, oh that voice. His was the voice of an angel. Every time he opened his mouth, the sound begged people to listen to it. And listen they did. His was one of the voices that sold a record-breaking amount of albums the very first day it was released. And when told of the news, a smile lit up his face, and he threw his head back and laughed with joy.

Eyes fell shut, and a smile made its way across a face as the sound of JC's laughter filled a mind. It was often spontaneous, and it was almost as if it sometimes surprised JC himself. Whenever he laughed it was with such joy, such pure emotion, that people couldn't help but smile with him.

But when were the feelings brought to the surface? Who knows? Maybe it was watching him in the studio, whether it was singing, his eyes closed as he hit that perfect note; or behind the control booth, telling Justin that his note wasn't exactly right, could he please try it again? Or maybe it was on the video shoots, watching him act so naturally in front of the cameras, as if he was born to be in the spotlight.

But most likely it was the late nights spent talking. Long talks of love, life, the hardships of being in one of the most popular bands in the country, missing his family. There was a kinship there, a camaraderie

most people would never understand.

The person leaned their head against the wall and sighed. This was so hard, the admitting of the feelings. It wasn't considered normal by many people. Men weren't supposed to love other men; men were supposed to love women. And of course, JC loved women, this one sided love would lead to nothing but heartache. JC could never be told of how he felt, who knows how he would react? Not to mention his family, his friends-who was he kidding?-practically everyone, as he himself was part of that record-breaking group.

Tears were behind his eyes now. Why him? Why had these feelings come out now? He never had feelings towards another man before, what was so special about JC? Okay, think about the bad things.

That gap between his teeth. He did sleep a lot. He was obsessed with getting a song sounding perfect before they left the studio for a day. He was quite hyper on stage.

Good, list some more.

He drove too slow. He never got anyone's jokes. Okay, now you're grasping at straws.

He lifted his head slightly off the tiles of the shower and lightly banged it back down, frustrated. Nothing good could possibly come of this. He would lose one of his best friends. Actually, thinking about it, he would lose four of his best friends. He would mess up the single most important thing in the world to him.

And that just wasn't possible. He would keep it to himself. Forever, if he had to.

He felt the tears finally escape his eyes; and Lance Bass sunk to the floor of the shower, wrapped his arms around his knees, and cried.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Secret Desires Chapter 1 A MAN CAN HIDE ALL THINGS, EXCEPTING TWAIN- THAT HE IS DRUNK, AND THAT HE IS IN LOVE. *ANTHIPHANES CHAPTER ONE--ADMITTING The hot water cascaded over the person standing in the shower, but no attention was paid to it. The person's thoughts were elsewhere, trying to figure out the exact moment the feelings for JC Chasez were brought to the surface. Little details of JC were brought forth into the mind of the person under the water. Black hair, usually perfectly styled, but attractively messy in the morning hours right after he woke up. Blue eyes shone brightly under the perfect eyebrows. His nose was slightly too large for his chiseled face, but it was endearing and the person under the water smiled slightly at the thought of it. His lips were full, almost begging to be kissed. His only imperfection was the slight gap between his two front teeth, which was displayed often when the boyish smile crossed his face. And his body, tall and lanky, he almost bounced when he walked. He was so full of energy, whether it was stepping on a sound stage for a talk show taping, or stepping onto their own stage, ready for a night of performing. His muscles were tight, from hours of dancing, of practicing, wanting everything to be perfect. And his voice, oh that voice. His was the voice of an angel. Every time he opened his mouth, the sound begged people to listen to it. And listen they did. His was one of the voices that sold a record-breaking amount of albums the very first day it was released. And when told of the news, a smile lit up his face, and he threw his head back and laughed with joy. Eyes fell shut, and a smile made its way across a face as the sound of JC's laughter filled a mind. It was often spontaneous, and it was almost as if it sometimes surprised JC himself. Whenever he laughed it was with such joy, such pure emotion, that people couldn't help but smile with him. But when were the feelings brought to the surface? Who knows? Maybe it was watching him in the studio, whether it was singing, his eyes closed as he hit that perfect note; or behind the control booth, telling Justin that his note wasn't exactly right, could he please try it again? Or maybe it was on the video shoots, watching him act so naturally in front of the cameras, as if he was born to be in the spotlight. But most likely it was the late nights spent talking. Long talks of love, life, the hardships of being in one of the most popular bands in the country, missing his family. There was a kinship there, a camaraderie most people would never understand. The person leaned their head against the wall and sighed. This was so hard, the admitting of the feelings. It wasn't considered normal by many people. Men weren't supposed to love other men; men were supposed to love women. And of course, JC loved women, this one sided love would lead to nothing but heartache. JC could never be told of how he felt, who knows how he would react? Not to mention his family, his friends-who was he kidding?-practically everyone, as he himself was part of that record-breaking group. Tears were behind his eyes now. Why him? Why had these feelings come out now? He never had feelings towards another man before, what was so special about JC? Okay, think about the bad things. That gap between his teeth. He did sleep a lot. He was obsessed with getting a song sounding perfect before they left the studio for a day. He was quite hyper on stage. Good, list some more. He drove too slow. He never got anyone's jokes. Okay, now you're grasping at straws. He lifted his head slightly off the tiles of the shower and lightly banged it back down, frustrated. Nothing good could possibly come of this. He would lose one of his best friends. Actually, thinking about it, he would lose four of his best friends. He would mess up the single most important thing in the world to him. And that just wasn't possible. He would keep it to himself. Forever, if he had to. He felt the tears finally escape his eyes; and Lance Bass sunk to the floor of the shower, wrapped his arms around his knees, and cried.