Part 10

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~If only you'd never speak to me the way that you do...~

Lance looked at the phone in his hand. "Come on, " he said to himself, "let's get this over with." Still, he could not bring himself to dial. "Why is this so hard?" He had already spoken to his lawyer. He had taken care of business matters and made out a will, dividing his assets between JC and Stacey. He had even made a video tape for JC, to be played in the event of his death. That had been hard, to say the least. But this?

A huge part of him wanted to just not call his parents. Why should he? After the way they had treated him the last three years, he did not owe them any courtesy. But, another part of him agreed with JC. They did have a right to know. JC's words echoed in his head: 'They might surprise you.' God, how he wanted to believe that. Even after all the time that had past, he still wanted his parent's approval, his parent's love. And now, more than ever, his parent's support. He was almost ashamed of how much he wanted his parents right now. He ached to feel his mother's arms around him, comforting him, telling him it would be all right. 'They might surprise you.' Before he lost his nerve, Lance began to dial his parent's phone number. One ring. Two.

"Hello?" his mother's sweet, accented voice answered.

Oh God. Lance swallowed around the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. God, he missed her so much.

"Hello?" she repeated.

There was a long silence. For a moment Lance was afraid that she had hung up. Finally, "What do you want?"

"Mom, I need to talk to you."

"Are you still sinning?"

Lance felt ill at her words. "Mom, please..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Mom, that isn't important right now."

"It isn't? I really don't think that we have anything to say to each other." Her voice was hard.

"Mom, please, I'm sick."

She did not speak for a minute. Once again, Lance thought she had hung up. When she finally spoke again, he wished she had.

"Well, maybe God's finally punishing you for your sins."

Her words were like a stinging slap to his face. In fact, if she had slapped him, it would have hurt less. Numbly, with shaking fingers, he disconnected the phone. 'They might surprise you.' He was surprised. He was surprised that he could feel so much pain. He clutched the silver cross around his neck as he felt the hot tears begin to slide down his cheeks.

After the disastrous meeting, the guys had gone to Justin's house to await word about the press conference. Justin was on the phone with his mother. He had to tell her about Lance before the press conference. She needed to know. After JC's and Lance's parents had rejected them, Lynn became like a second mother to both of them.

"Oh my God, Justin. Let me talk to Lance," Lynn said, her voice surprised and sad.

"He's not here, mom."

"What about JC? Put him on."

"Hang on, mom." Justin looked at JC. He was sitting, staring straight ahead; his face and body were tense. "Josh?"

JC looked at him. Justin could almost feel the waves of anger radiating off of him. "Uh, my mom wants to talk to you."

JC looked reluctant. He did not want Lynn to know how angry he was. He did not want to take his anger out on her, either. Justin was holding the phone out towards him, waiting. Finally, he took it. "Hello, Lynn?" His voice sounded much calmer than he felt. He was oddly proud of that.

"JC, sweetie, are you ok?" Her caring voice was almost enough to undo him. God, he did not want to cry again. Composing himself, he answered. "I'm ok. It's hard, you know?"

"Yes, I'm sure it is. JC, if you need anything, let me know. Please. Lance too."

"Thank you, Lynn. I appreciate it. I'm sure Lance will, too." He was amazed. She made him feel so much better. All it took was a few words from her and his anger was gone. He was about to say something else when the other line clicked. "Can you hold on a minute, Lynn?"

"Thanks." He switched to the other line. "Hello?"

That was all it took to bring the anger back. "What can I do for you?" he said coolly.

"The press conference has been scheduled. The reporters will be here at three. You guys should come now so we can figure out what you're going to say."

"Fine," JC said, disconnecting him and switching back to Lynn. "Lynn, I'm sorry, I have to go. We have to get ready for this press conference."

"All right, JC. Good luck, sweetie."

"Thank you." He hung up and looked at the others. "Press conference is at three."

Justin glanced at the clock. "Guess we should get going."

"Hold on, I want to call Lance first." JC dialed his home phone number. He waited, with trepidation as it rang for a fourth time.

"Finally! Are you ok?" JC said, anxiously. Lance did not sound right.

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

"All right. I wanted to let you know that the press conference is at three. I guess it's gonna be on MTV."

"It's two-thirty now. I guess I should call Stacey."

"What about your parents?." Lance did not respond. "Lance?"

"You should get going. I'll talk to you later, Josh."

JC did not want to push. "OK Lance. I'll be home after the press conference."

"I'll see you then," Lance said. "Bye."

"Bye baby. Love you."

"Love you too." Lance hung up and dialed his sister's number.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Lance, how are you?" The warmth in her voice made it so different from their mother's. He felt the tears start to well up again but forced them down.

"Stacey, I'm sick. I need to tell you this now, because in a half-hour it's going to be all over the place and I didn't want you to find out from the TV."

"Lance, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"I have a brain tumor." God, no matter how many time he said it, it still hurt.

"Oh my God! Oh Lance! Are you ok?"

"I'm having surgery tomorrow."

"Do mom and dad know?"

"I...I tried to tell her, but she..." Lance could not finish. It hurt too much to think about it, let alone to say it.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"No, Stacey, you don't have to..."

"You're having surgery tomorrow, I'm going to be there." Her voice was firm and brooked no argument.

"Thank you, Stacey. Thank you so much." It felt so good to know that she sould be there for him. She wasn't his mother, but she would do.

"Thank you all for coming," Chris said to the assembled press. JC sat to his right, looking down at his hands. "You're all here today because we have a very important announcement to make. Because of circumstances beyond our control, we have to cancel our 2002 world tour."

This brought about shocked murmurs and shouts of 'Why?' from the press.

"Recently," Joey answered, "our friend and bandmate, Lance Bass, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. We don't know how long it will take for him to be healthy again, but we're cancelling the tour until then."

"Some people suggested that we tour without him, but we didn't think that would be right," Justin added. "We wouldn't want to be out touring while our friend was here sick. I don't think we could do it."

Reporters began to shout questions, some of which the band could distinquish, but all of which they ignored. They had said what they came to say. That was it.

"Again, thank you for coming," Chris began.

"I have one more thing to say," JC interupted him. "Please," he started, but had to stop to clear his throat, emotion threatening to overtake him. "Please, I just want to ask all of you out there to pray for Lance. Just send your love and good vibes to him. That's really all we can ask. We'll be doing the same. Thank you." With that, he stood and left the room, followed by his friends.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to But Faith Part 10 ~If only you'd never speak to me the way that you do...~ Lance looked at the phone in his hand. "Come on, " he said to himself, "let's get this over with." Still, he could not bring himself to dial. "Why is this so hard?" He had already spoken to his lawyer. He had taken care of business matters and made out a will, dividing his assets between JC and Stacey. He had even made a video tape for JC, to be played in the event of his death. That had been hard, to say the least. But this? A huge part of him wanted to just not call his parents. Why should he? After the way they had treated him the last three years, he did not owe them any courtesy. But, another part of him agreed with JC. They did have a right to know. JC's words echoed in his head: 'They might surprise you.' God, how he wanted to believe that. Even after all the time that had past, he still wanted his parent's approval, his parent's love. And now, more than ever, his parent's support. He was almost ashamed of how much he wanted his parents right now. He ached to feel his mother's arms around him, comforting him, telling him it would be all right. 'They might surprise you.' Before he lost his nerve, Lance began to dial his parent's phone number. One ring. Two. "Hello?" his mother's sweet, accented voice answered. Oh God. Lance swallowed around the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. God, he missed her so much. "Hello?" she repeated. "Mom?" There was a long silence. For a moment Lance was afraid that she had hung up. Finally, "What do you want?" "Mom, I need to talk to you." "Are you still sinning?" Lance felt ill at her words. "Mom, please..." "I'll take that as a yes." "Mom, that isn't important right now." "It isn't? I really don't think that we have anything to say to each other." Her voice was hard. "Mom, please, I'm sick." She did not speak for a minute. Once again, Lance thought she had hung up. When she finally spoke again, he wished she had. "Well, maybe God's finally punishing you for your sins." Her words were like a stinging slap to his face. In fact, if she had slapped him, it would have hurt less. Numbly, with shaking fingers, he disconnected the phone. 'They might surprise you.' He was surprised. He was surprised that he could feel so much pain. He clutched the silver cross around his neck as he felt the hot tears begin to slide down his cheeks. * After the disastrous meeting, the guys had gone to Justin's house to await word about the press conference. Justin was on the phone with his mother. He had to tell her about Lance before the press conference. She needed to know. After JC's and Lance's parents had rejected them, Lynn became like a second mother to both of them. "Oh my God, Justin. Let me talk to Lance," Lynn said, her voice surprised and sad. "He's not here, mom." "What about JC? Put him on." "Hang on, mom." Justin looked at JC. He was sitting, staring straight ahead; his face and body were tense. "Josh?" JC looked at him. Justin could almost feel the waves of anger radiating off of him. "Uh, my mom wants to talk to you." JC looked reluctant. He did not want Lynn to know how angry he was. He did not want to take his anger out on her, either. Justin was holding the phone out towards him, waiting. Finally, he took it. "Hello, Lynn?" His voice sounded much calmer than he felt. He was oddly proud of that. "JC, sweetie, are you ok?" Her caring voice was almost enough to undo him. God, he did not want to cry again. Composing himself, he answered. "I'm ok. It's hard, you know?" "Yes, I'm sure it is. JC, if you need anything, let me know. Please. Lance too." "Thank you, Lynn. I appreciate it. I'm sure Lance will, too." He was amazed. She made him feel so much better. All it took was a few words from her and his anger was gone. He was about to say something else when the other line clicked. "Can you hold on a minute, Lynn?" "Sure." "Thanks." He switched to the other line. "Hello?" "JC, it's Johnny." That was all it took to bring the anger back. "What can I do for you?" he said coolly. "The press conference has been scheduled. The reporters will be here at three. You guys should come now so we can figure out what you're going to say." "Fine," JC said, disconnecting him and switching back to Lynn. "Lynn, I'm sorry, I have to go. We have to get ready for this press conference." "All right, JC. Good luck, sweetie." "Thank you." He hung up and looked at the others. "Press conference is at three." Justin glanced at the clock. "Guess we should get going." "Hold on, I want to call Lance first." JC dialed his home phone number. He waited, with trepidation as it rang for a fourth time. "Hello?" "Finally! Are you ok?" JC said, anxiously. Lance did not sound right. "I'm fine. " "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm just tired." "All right. I wanted to let you know that the press conference is at three. I guess it's gonna be on MTV." "It's two-thirty now. I guess I should call Stacey." "What about your parents?." Lance did not respond. "Lance?" "You should get going. I'll talk to you later, Josh." JC did not want to push. "OK Lance. I'll be home after the press conference." "I'll see you then," Lance said. "Bye." "Bye baby. Love you." "Love you too." Lance hung up and dialed his sister's number. "Hello?" she answered. "Stacey, it's me." "Lance, how are you?" The warmth in her voice made it so different from their mother's. He felt the tears start to well up again but forced them down. "Stacey, I'm sick. I need to tell you this now, because in a half-hour it's going to be all over the place and I didn't want you to find out from the TV." "Lance, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" "I have a brain tumor." God, no matter how many time he said it, it still hurt. "Oh my God! Oh Lance! Are you ok?" "I'm having surgery tomorrow." "Do mom and dad know?" "I...I tried to tell her, but she..." Lance could not finish. It hurt too much to think about it, let alone to say it. "I'll be there as soon as I can." "No, Stacey, you don't have to..." "You're having surgery tomorrow, I'm going to be there." Her voice was firm and brooked no argument. "Thank you, Stacey. Thank you so much." It felt so good to know that she sould be there for him. She wasn't his mother, but she would do. * "Thank you all for coming," Chris said to the assembled press. JC sat to his right, looking down at his hands. "You're all here today because we have a very important announcement to make. Because of circumstances beyond our control, we have to cancel our 2002 world tour." This brought about shocked murmurs and shouts of 'Why?' from the press. "Recently," Joey answered, "our friend and bandmate, Lance Bass, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. We don't know how long it will take for him to be healthy again, but we're cancelling the tour until then." "Some people suggested that we tour without him, but we didn't think that would be right," Justin added. "We wouldn't want to be out touring while our friend was here sick. I don't think we could do it." Reporters began to shout questions, some of which the band could distinquish, but all of which they ignored. They had said what they came to say. That was it. "Again, thank you for coming," Chris began. "I have one more thing to say," JC interupted him. "Please," he started, but had to stop to clear his throat, emotion threatening to overtake him. "Please, I just want to ask all of you out there to pray for Lance. Just send your love and good vibes to him. That's really all we can ask. We'll be doing the same. Thank you." With that, he stood and left the room, followed by his friends.