Chapter 22

Justin hiked his backpack up on his shoulders and turned around, concern in his eyes. “Are you sure you don't mind? Cause if you do…”

Lance watched him get in the car and wave before driving away. He turned and walked back into the house, sighing as he shut the door behind him. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He considered calling Joey, but remembered that he was visiting family today. Chris was taking care of Fu Man Skeeto stuff, and JC, well, he was out of the question. Justin was going away overnight with Britney before she left for her tour, and his mom was on tour with her group, Innosense, so that left Lance alone in the house.

Moving away from the door, Lance walked to the kitchen. He decided that he was just going to make some popcorn, pop in a video, and veg for the rest of the night. There were only two days left before they had to go back out on the road, and Lance didn't want to even think about anything that had to do with *NSYNC.

As the popcorn popped in the microwave, Lance wandered into the family room. He stood in front of the videos Justin had neatly arranged on the shelves. He scanned the titles, making a face, nothing was appealing to him. He wasn't in the mood for a comedy, none of the action titles were grabbing his attention, and he sure as hell didn't want to watch a romance.

Turning away from the wall of videos, he opened a cabinet where Lynn stored her movies. Lance tilted his head, reading the movies, and smiled. Yeah, like he wanted to watch Gone With The Wind. He was about to turn away and just watch Clue again when something caught his eye. Lined up neatly on the last shelf were videos that Lynn recorded from the television. He crouched down and read the spines. Justin - MMC.

Lance grinned, Lynn had every episode of the Mickey Mouse Club on video. As he moved his eyes to the right, he began seeing *NSYNC written on the sides of them. Reaching into the cabinet, he randomly selected a MMC video. Setting it on top of the VCR, he went back into the kitchen to get his popcorn.

As he stepped into the room, he wrinkled his nose. He had been gone too long, and the popcorn had burned. Opening the door of the microwave, he caught of whiff of the burned kernels and didn't even bother to open the bag, just depositing it in the garbage. Not bothering to make another bag, Lance just grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and went back into the family room.

He put the tape in the VCR and picked up the remote, settling onto the sofa in front of the television. Setting his soda on the coffee table, he lie down on the couch, a throw pillow under his head. Aiming the remote at the TV, he pressed play.

Lance grinned as the opening credits flashed on the screen. They all looked so young. And then JC came on, his brown hair flopping into his eye. Lance smiled at his image and forced himself not to think about his little problem.

He fast-forwarded through the first video, not seeing JC or Justin in it. Stopping the tape at the first skit, he was rewarded with JC dressed as a Boy Scout or something standing behind a table. Justin was one of four other boys watching him. Lance grinned as he watched JC on the screen, telling the kids they were going to make a birdhouse. He laughed as JC hit his head on the countertop, stuck his hand in glue, hammered his finger, and fell on his ass. He was such a dork.

“I'm in love with a dork,” Lance muttered. The skit ended and the minor soap opera Emerald Cove began. Lance kept it on, knowing JC was here somewhere. He smiled as he came on the screen, his hair long and in his face, his features not quite as chiseled as they were now, but his smile still the same. Lance noticed how JC never really grew out of his character, saying “Dude” an awful lot to this day.

He sighed as he moved on the couch. This was beginning to turn into a bad idea. He had only wanted to watch Justin, laugh at how different he looked, check out Christina and Britney, seeing if he was right in remembering that they were actually kind of plain back then. He couldn't say he forgot JC was on the show, that would be a lie; he just didn't realize the tape he pulled would have so much of him.

Then his eyes were drawn to the screen one last time. JC and Tony were sitting on stools in the center of the audience, Tony strumming a guitar. JC was in a suit that hung on his slim frame, “Didn't their stylists see that it didn't fit?” he muttered.

All thoughts left his mind as JC opened his mouth to sing. With only the guitar as an accompiant, JC's voice rang through the speakers unaffected. If Lance closed his eyes, he could hear the emotion in his voice, he could hear that it wasn't quite as polished as it was now, he could hear the true beauty in the words. Lance felt tears behind his eyes as he watched JC. His eyes closed as he reached for a note, singing Richard Marx as Lance had never heard it before. The tears began to roll down his cheeks as JC sang, Lance crying for what he lost.

He never should have told him. He never should have told JC his feelings, he should have kept it a secret. Then they'd still be talking, they'd still be friends, and Lance wouldn't be lying here on Justin's couch, crying over something he would never have.

Pressing stop on the remote, Lance dropped it to the floor as the blue screen of the television lit the room. He gulped in breaths of air, trying to fill his lungs, trying to stop the tears that fell down his face, trying to stop the sobs that racked his body. He pulled his knees to his chest, and closed his eyes, forcing his breathing to become normal again.

He finally caught his breath and stared at the blank blue screen of the TV, thoughts of JC swimming in his mind, until his eyes dropped shut and he fell asleep.

JC knocked on the door of Justin's house. He leaned against the railing of the porch, waiting for someone to answer the door. After a minute, he knocked again, looking in the windows on either side of the door for signs of life. He sighed and fished his keys out of his pocket, looking through them for Justin's house key. He had never given it back when he moved out, and now he was thankful. He had left his notebook of songs here and he really needed it, a melody had been floating in his head all day, and he needed to get it down.

Pushing open the door, JC yelled, “Hey Justin! You home?” Not hearing an answer, JC closed the door behind him. Wondering briefly where Justin was, he walked through the house and into the kitchen. He made a face as the smell of burned popcorn hit his nose and he grinned to himself. Justin always burned his popcorn.

Not seeing his notebook on the kitchen table where he thought he left it, JC moved through the house, stopping at each room. Glancing into the family room, he was surprised to see the television on.

“That's weird,” he muttered, stepping into the room. The blue of the screen was the only light, and as he moved to turn the TV off, he caught sight of the figure on the couch. Forgetting about the TV, JC moved to the couch, sitting on the edge of the coffee table to look at the sleeping figure.

Lance had his knees pulled up to his chest, one arm wrapped around them, the other under his cheek. JC watched his chest rise and fall as he gently breathed. Moving his gaze to Lance's face, he smiled as he saw his mouth open slightly. JC was surprised to see tear stains on his cheeks, and he reached out a hand, gently brushing it along Lance's cheek. He moved his hand to Lance's forehead and through his hair, smiling at Lance when he involuntarily leaned into JC's touch.

“JC,” he murmured quietly, and JC's hand froze. He looked down at Lance to see that he didn't wake up, his eyes were still shut. Lance sighed in his sleep and rolled on his back. JC grinned at Lance's hair, pressed flat on the side that was against the pillow. He ran his fingers through it, making it stand up again, giving Lance his bed-head look even while asleep.

Removing his hand, JC once again studied Lance's face. He wondered what Lance had been watching to make him cry, smiling gently, figuring it was a sappy romance movie, Lance always seemed to cry at them. He picked up the remote from the floor and partially turned his body to see the TV.

He pressed play, giving Lance another glance before looking up at the TV. He was surprised to see his own face fill the screen.

He was sitting on a stool, singing Now And Forever, Tony at his side. His brow wrinkled in confusion. Lance was watching the Mickey Mouse Club? What he watching that for? And why was he crying?

JC's breath left his body as he watched his younger self sing. Lance was crying over him. The tape had been stopped half way through his performance, the remote carelessly dropped on the floor. JC stared wide-eyed at the TV, not able to turn it off, not able to do anything but stare. As the song ended, JC came out of his stupor and turned it off. He slowly looked back at Lance, biting his own lip to stop tears from falling. His eyes raked over Lance's sleeping form again, taking in the tear tracks that he somehow caused.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Secret Desires Chapter 22 ONE PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS. FRED R. BARNARD CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - MOVING PICTURES Lance pushed Justin out the door, “Will you just go? I'll be fine.” Justin hiked his backpack up on his shoulders and turned around, concern in his eyes. “Are you sure you don't mind? Cause if you do…” Lance rolled his eyes, “Justin, I'm a big boy, I think I'll be okay.” Justin bit his lip, “If you're sure.” “I'm sure.” He gave him another push, “Now, go.” Justin grinned and ran down the walk to his car. “See ya!” Lance watched him get in the car and wave before driving away. He turned and walked back into the house, sighing as he shut the door behind him. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He considered calling Joey, but remembered that he was visiting family today. Chris was taking care of Fu Man Skeeto stuff, and JC, well, he was out of the question. Justin was going away overnight with Britney before she left for her tour, and his mom was on tour with her group, Innosense, so that left Lance alone in the house. Moving away from the door, Lance walked to the kitchen. He decided that he was just going to make some popcorn, pop in a video, and veg for the rest of the night. There were only two days left before they had to go back out on the road, and Lance didn't want to even think about anything that had to do with NSYNC. As the popcorn popped in the microwave, Lance wandered into the family room. He stood in front of the videos Justin had neatly arranged on the shelves. He scanned the titles, making a face, nothing was appealing to him. He wasn't in the mood for a comedy, none of the action titles were grabbing his attention, and he sure as hell didn't want to watch a romance. Turning away from the wall of videos, he opened a cabinet where Lynn stored her movies. Lance tilted his head, reading the movies, and smiled. Yeah, like he wanted to watch Gone With The Wind. He was about to turn away and just watch Clue again when something caught his eye. Lined up neatly on the last shelf were videos that Lynn recorded from the television. He crouched down and read the spines. Justin - MMC. Lance grinned, Lynn had every episode of the Mickey Mouse Club on video. As he moved his eyes to the right, he began seeing *NSYNC written on the sides of them. Reaching into the cabinet, he randomly selected a MMC video. Setting it on top of the VCR, he went back into the kitchen to get his popcorn. As he stepped into the room, he wrinkled his nose. He had been gone too long, and the popcorn had burned. Opening the door of the microwave, he caught of whiff of the burned kernels and didn't even bother to open the bag, just depositing it in the garbage. Not bothering to make another bag, Lance just grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and went back into the family room. He put the tape in the VCR and picked up the remote, settling onto the sofa in front of the television. Setting his soda on the coffee table, he lie down on the couch, a throw pillow under his head. Aiming the remote at the TV, he pressed play. Lance grinned as the opening credits flashed on the screen. They all looked so young. And then JC came on, his brown hair flopping into his eye. Lance smiled at his image and forced himself not to think about his little problem. He fast-forwarded through the first video, not seeing JC or Justin in it. Stopping the tape at the first skit, he was rewarded with JC dressed as a Boy Scout or something standing behind a table. Justin was one of four other boys watching him. Lance grinned as he watched JC on the screen, telling the kids they were going to make a birdhouse. He laughed as JC hit his head on the countertop, stuck his hand in glue, hammered his finger, and fell on his ass. He was such a dork. “I'm in love with a dork,” Lance muttered. The skit ended and the minor soap opera Emerald Cove began. Lance kept it on, knowing JC was here somewhere. He smiled as he came on the screen, his hair long and in his face, his features not quite as chiseled as they were now, but his smile still the same. Lance noticed how JC never really grew out of his character, saying “Dude” an awful lot to this day. He sighed as he moved on the couch. This was beginning to turn into a bad idea. He had only wanted to watch Justin, laugh at how different he looked, check out Christina and Britney, seeing if he was right in remembering that they were actually kind of plain back then. He couldn't say he forgot JC was on the show, that would be a lie; he just didn't realize the tape he pulled would have so much of him. Then his eyes were drawn to the screen one last time. JC and Tony were sitting on stools in the center of the audience, Tony strumming a guitar. JC was in a suit that hung on his slim frame, “Didn't their stylists see that it didn't fit?” he muttered. All thoughts left his mind as JC opened his mouth to sing. With only the guitar as an accompiant, JC's voice rang through the speakers unaffected. If Lance closed his eyes, he could hear the emotion in his voice, he could hear that it wasn't quite as polished as it was now, he could hear the true beauty in the words. Lance felt tears behind his eyes as he watched JC. His eyes closed as he reached for a note, singing Richard Marx as Lance had never heard it before. The tears began to roll down his cheeks as JC sang, Lance crying for what he lost. He never should have told him. He never should have told JC his feelings, he should have kept it a secret. Then they'd still be talking, they'd still be friends, and Lance wouldn't be lying here on Justin's couch, crying over something he would never have. Pressing stop on the remote, Lance dropped it to the floor as the blue screen of the television lit the room. He gulped in breaths of air, trying to fill his lungs, trying to stop the tears that fell down his face, trying to stop the sobs that racked his body. He pulled his knees to his chest, and closed his eyes, forcing his breathing to become normal again. He finally caught his breath and stared at the blank blue screen of the TV, thoughts of JC swimming in his mind, until his eyes dropped shut and he fell asleep. JC knocked on the door of Justin's house. He leaned against the railing of the porch, waiting for someone to answer the door. After a minute, he knocked again, looking in the windows on either side of the door for signs of life. He sighed and fished his keys out of his pocket, looking through them for Justin's house key. He had never given it back when he moved out, and now he was thankful. He had left his notebook of songs here and he really needed it, a melody had been floating in his head all day, and he needed to get it down. Pushing open the door, JC yelled, “Hey Justin! You home?” Not hearing an answer, JC closed the door behind him. Wondering briefly where Justin was, he walked through the house and into the kitchen. He made a face as the smell of burned popcorn hit his nose and he grinned to himself. Justin always burned his popcorn. Not seeing his notebook on the kitchen table where he thought he left it, JC moved through the house, stopping at each room. Glancing into the family room, he was surprised to see the television on. “That's weird,” he muttered, stepping into the room. The blue of the screen was the only light, and as he moved to turn the TV off, he caught sight of the figure on the couch. Forgetting about the TV, JC moved to the couch, sitting on the edge of the coffee table to look at the sleeping figure. Lance had his knees pulled up to his chest, one arm wrapped around them, the other under his cheek. JC watched his chest rise and fall as he gently breathed. Moving his gaze to Lance's face, he smiled as he saw his mouth open slightly. JC was surprised to see tear stains on his cheeks, and he reached out a hand, gently brushing it along Lance's cheek. He moved his hand to Lance's forehead and through his hair, smiling at Lance when he involuntarily leaned into JC's touch. “JC,” he murmured quietly, and JC's hand froze. He looked down at Lance to see that he didn't wake up, his eyes were still shut. Lance sighed in his sleep and rolled on his back. JC grinned at Lance's hair, pressed flat on the side that was against the pillow. He ran his fingers through it, making it stand up again, giving Lance his bed-head look even while asleep. Removing his hand, JC once again studied Lance's face. He wondered what Lance had been watching to make him cry, smiling gently, figuring it was a sappy romance movie, Lance always seemed to cry at them. He picked up the remote from the floor and partially turned his body to see the TV. He pressed play, giving Lance another glance before looking up at the TV. He was surprised to see his own face fill the screen. He was sitting on a stool, singing Now And Forever, Tony at his side. His brow wrinkled in confusion. Lance was watching the Mickey Mouse Club? What he watching that for? And why was he crying? JC's breath left his body as he watched his younger self sing. Lance was crying over him. The tape had been stopped half way through his performance, the remote carelessly dropped on the floor. JC stared wide-eyed at the TV, not able to turn it off, not able to do anything but stare. As the song ended, JC came out of his stupor and turned it off. He slowly looked back at Lance, biting his own lip to stop tears from falling. His eyes raked over Lance's sleeping form again, taking in the tear tracks that he somehow caused. He reached his hand out and touched Lance's face. “I will make this right, Lance. I promise.” Lance continued to sleep.