Chapter 8

THERE IS REALLY NO SUCH THING AS BAD WEATHER, ONLY DIFFERENT KINDS OF GOOD WEATHER.

The mid-afternoon sun was dipping beneath the clouds and Lance knew that soon the darkening sky was going to unleash its torrent, and the city would be doused with rain. He stared out the window in his suite and watched as the sun didn't reappear. There was a slight far off rumble of thunder and big drops of rain began hitting the pane of glass.

He sighed as he turned back to the open laptop on his desk. Normally, he loved the rain. He loved the loud claps of thunder, the brilliant flashes of lightening that would light the whole sky, the bolts of lightening that traced patterns across the dark sky. But today was different. The rain just added to his sour mood.

Concentrate, he told himself. His green eyes scanned the email on his screen, and he blocked out thoughts of the miserable day, his bad mood and of course, JC, as he read the information.

A knock sounding on his door pulled him away from the screen and he turned slightly towards the door, “Come in,” he said.

The door opened and JC stood in the doorway, “Are you busy?” he asked. Lance could hear the sounds of the others playing a video game in the common room behind JC.

Lance shut his laptop, “Nope, come in.” He studied JC as he entered the room, shutting the door on the noise behind him. He looked tired, worn down.

JC raised his hands slightly, “Nothing, really. I just didn't want to be out there,” he gestured to the door.

JC looked at him, “Yeah, I'm not in the mood for them right now.” He stood and walked over to the window. Sighing loudly, he said, “I hate the rain.”

A clap of thunder rattled the windowpanes and JC looked at Lance skeptically, “You find that relaxing?”

Lance rolled his eyes and tugged on JC's arm. “Come here,” he said, pulling him towards the bed. He pushed JC down on the bed. “Lie down,” he commanded.

Lance found himself lost in JC's eyes. The dim light from the desk lamp didn't reach the bed, and his eyes were a midnight blue in the darkness. Lance realized he was staring and shook his head. “Good. Now, close your eyes.”

JC sighed and made a big production about closing his eyes. “Now what?” he asked.

The only sound in the room was the rain pelting against the windows. The thunder once again rumbled, and the rain came down harder. The droplets made music against the windowpanes, and JC smiled.

“Yeah, I guess it is kind of relaxing,” he admitted. He opened his eyes and looked at Lance. “Aren't you going to lie down?”

Lance was frozen. Did he really want to lie down in the bed next to JC? No. But would it be suspicious if he didn't? Yes. He and JC were close, they had done this a million times before, laying on a bed, or sitting next to each other on a couch, talking. JC didn't see this as anything different. Lance took a deep breath and moved to lie down next to JC.

JC clasped his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “Bobbi left today.”

He felt JC turning his head to look at him. “What's that supposed to mean?” he asked.

Lance shrugged without opening his eyes. He knew if he had to look into JC's blue pools while talking about Bobbi, he would go crazy. “Nothing. It just explains why you're in a mood today.”

JC sighed, and was silent for a minute. When he spoke, Lance fought to keep the smile off his face. “You know what, Lance? That's not even it. I don't miss her at all.”

JC briefly met his eyes and looked back at the ceiling. Shrugging, he responded, “I don't miss her. I miss the idea of her, you know? The idea that I have someone who loves me.” He shook his head and the next words were spoken so softly, Lance wasn't sure he even heard them right, “I don't love her anymore.”

JC turned to him, tears in his eyes, “I don't love her anymore, Lance. I try to convince myself that I do, cause we've been together so long, but I can't any longer. I see her and I don't want to be close to her, I don't want to kiss her, hold her. I just want her to leave me alone.”

Lance sat up, “This is a little sudden, isn't it, JC? I mean, just two weeks ago, you two were all over each other in that club.”

JC glanced at Lance when he heard the bitterness in his voice. He was sitting facing him on the bed, his green eyes downcast, his fingers playing with the lace of his shoe. “I guess it seems sudden, but its not. I've just been pretending, Lance. I've been forcing myself to act like that, just to see if I was wrong, if I was just going through a phase or something.”

Lance pulled his eyes away from his shoelace and looked at JC's face. “A phase?” he asked.

JC stood and began to pace. “Yeah, a phase. Like maybe I just was going through an `I want to be single phase,' or an `I want to have sex with someone else phase'.”

JC blushed and turned away, “Forget I said that,” he said waving his hand in the air, “You don't want to hear about that.”

“No, probably not,” Lance muttered. To JC he said, “What are you going to do?”

“I don't know, Lance,” he stopped pacing. “I think I'm going to break up with her.”

JC sat on the bed again, the mattress slightly sagging under his weight. “I'm just worried, you know? I know it sounds crazy, but I'm worried I won't find someone.” He snorted, “I have millions of girls that want me, and I'm worried.”

Lance smiled, “Millions of guys, too,” he said without thinking. His eyes widened as he realized what he said.

JC just smiled, “Yeah, guys too,” he said softly. “But what if I can't find someone who can put up with me? I spend a lot of time in the studio, or writing, or playing the piano, Bobbi understood my need to do that, not many people would.”

Lance moved to sit next to JC, their legs resting next to each other, “But, look how long it took her to accept it,” Lance pointed out. “She wasn't so understanding in the beginning.”

JC nodded, “I know. It's not only that, though. We're on the road so much, in a different city practically every night. Where am I going to meet someone, much less someone who understands me?”

JC smiled sideways at him, “What the hell good are you, anyway? I could have gotten that from Justin.”

Lance laughed and moved back to lie on the bed, “Justin wouldn't have listened to you babble this long, and you know it. The attention span isn't there.”

JC lay down next to him. “You're right. Well, even if I'm right back where I started, at least I like the rain now.” He closed his eyes. “Thanks, Lance.”

“You're welcome, Josh.” Lance said, squeezing his hand, and he too closed his eyes.

An hour later, Joey knocked on the door to Lance's room, “Hey guys,” he said, pushing the door open, “we're going to get something to eat.”

He stopped talking when he realized Lance and JC were asleep. They lay side by side on Lance's king-sized bed, Lance's left arm and leg touching JC's right arm and leg. Joey smiled at the sight, wondering if they realized the bed was big enough for them to have plenty of room. He stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

Justin nodded, “Yeah, JC's kind of been out of it for a bit now, let him sleep.”

The three grabbed their jackets and hastily scribbled a note for JC and Lance. As they headed towards the elevator, Joey realized something strange.


	Inner Reflection \| home back to Secret Desires Chapter 8 THERE IS REALLY NO SUCH THING AS BAD WEATHER, ONLY DIFFERENT KINDS OF GOOD WEATHER. *JOHN RUSKIN CHAPTER EIGHT-RAIN The mid-afternoon sun was dipping beneath the clouds and Lance knew that soon the darkening sky was going to unleash its torrent, and the city would be doused with rain. He stared out the window in his suite and watched as the sun didn't reappear. There was a slight far off rumble of thunder and big drops of rain began hitting the pane of glass. He sighed as he turned back to the open laptop on his desk. Normally, he loved the rain. He loved the loud claps of thunder, the brilliant flashes of lightening that would light the whole sky, the bolts of lightening that traced patterns across the dark sky. But today was different. The rain just added to his sour mood. Concentrate, he told himself. His green eyes scanned the email on his screen, and he blocked out thoughts of the miserable day, his bad mood and of course, JC, as he read the information. A knock sounding on his door pulled him away from the screen and he turned slightly towards the door, “Come in,” he said. The door opened and JC stood in the doorway, “Are you busy?” he asked. Lance could hear the sounds of the others playing a video game in the common room behind JC. Lance shut his laptop, “Nope, come in.” He studied JC as he entered the room, shutting the door on the noise behind him. He looked tired, worn down. JC sat on the bed, his hands on his knees. “What's up, Josh?” Lance asked quietly when he didn't say anything. JC raised his hands slightly, “Nothing, really. I just didn't want to be out there,” he gestured to the door. Lance smiled slightly, “Really?” JC looked at him, “Yeah, I'm not in the mood for them right now.” He stood and walked over to the window. Sighing loudly, he said, “I hate the rain.” Lance shrugged, remaining in his seat, “I like it.” JC turned to look at him, “Really? Don't you find it depressing?” Lance stood and moved next to him, “No, I find it relaxing.” A clap of thunder rattled the windowpanes and JC looked at Lance skeptically, “You find that relaxing?” Lance rolled his eyes and tugged on JC's arm. “Come here,” he said, pulling him towards the bed. He pushed JC down on the bed. “Lie down,” he commanded. JC glanced up at Lance, “You want me to lie down?” “Jeez, JC, I'm not going to do anything, just trust me, will ya?” JC smiled, “I trust you,” he said, meeting Lance's gaze. Lance found himself lost in JC's eyes. The dim light from the desk lamp didn't reach the bed, and his eyes were a midnight blue in the darkness. Lance realized he was staring and shook his head. “Good. Now, close your eyes.” JC sighed and made a big production about closing his eyes. “Now what?” he asked. Lance sat on the bed next to him. “Just listen.” The only sound in the room was the rain pelting against the windows. The thunder once again rumbled, and the rain came down harder. The droplets made music against the windowpanes, and JC smiled. “Yeah, I guess it is kind of relaxing,” he admitted. He opened his eyes and looked at Lance. “Aren't you going to lie down?” Lance was frozen. Did he really want to lie down in the bed next to JC? No. But would it be suspicious if he didn't? Yes. He and JC were close, they had done this a million times before, laying on a bed, or sitting next to each other on a couch, talking. JC didn't see this as anything different. Lance took a deep breath and moved to lie down next to JC. JC clasped his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “Bobbi left today.” Lance closed his eyes, “Ah,” was all he said. He felt JC turning his head to look at him. “What's that supposed to mean?” he asked. Lance shrugged without opening his eyes. He knew if he had to look into JC's blue pools while talking about Bobbi, he would go crazy. “Nothing. It just explains why you're in a mood today.” JC sighed, and was silent for a minute. When he spoke, Lance fought to keep the smile off his face. “You know what, Lance? That's not even it. I don't miss her at all.” Lance took a deep breath and turned to JC. “What do you mean?” JC briefly met his eyes and looked back at the ceiling. Shrugging, he responded, “I don't miss her. I miss the idea of her, you know? The idea that I have someone who loves me.” He shook his head and the next words were spoken so softly, Lance wasn't sure he even heard them right, “I don't love her anymore.” Lance's heart skipped a beat, “What?” he replied dumbly. JC turned to him, tears in his eyes, “I don't love her anymore, Lance. I try to convince myself that I do, cause we've been together so long, but I can't any longer. I see her and I don't want to be close to her, I don't want to kiss her, hold her. I just want her to leave me alone.” Lance sat up, “This is a little sudden, isn't it, JC? I mean, just two weeks ago, you two were all over each other in that club.” JC glanced at Lance when he heard the bitterness in his voice. He was sitting facing him on the bed, his green eyes downcast, his fingers playing with the lace of his shoe. “I guess it seems sudden, but its not. I've just been pretending, Lance. I've been forcing myself to act like that, just to see if I was wrong, if I was just going through a phase or something.” Lance pulled his eyes away from his shoelace and looked at JC's face. “A phase?” he asked. JC stood and began to pace. “Yeah, a phase. Like maybe I just was going through an `I want to be single phase,' or an `I want to have sex with someone else phase'.” Lance swallowed, “You want to have sex with someone else?” JC blushed and turned away, “Forget I said that,” he said waving his hand in the air, “You don't want to hear about that.” “No, probably not,” Lance muttered. To JC he said, “What are you going to do?” “I don't know, Lance,” he stopped pacing. “I think I'm going to break up with her.” Lance nodded and didn't reply. JC sat on the bed again, the mattress slightly sagging under his weight. “I'm just worried, you know? I know it sounds crazy, but I'm worried I won't find someone.” He snorted, “I have millions of girls that want me, and I'm worried.” Lance smiled, “Millions of guys, too,” he said without thinking. His eyes widened as he realized what he said. JC just smiled, “Yeah, guys too,” he said softly. “But what if I can't find someone who can put up with me? I spend a lot of time in the studio, or writing, or playing the piano, Bobbi understood my need to do that, not many people would.” Lance moved to sit next to JC, their legs resting next to each other, “But, look how long it took her to accept it,” Lance pointed out. “She wasn't so understanding in the beginning.” JC nodded, “I know. It's not only that, though. We're on the road so much, in a different city practically every night. Where am I going to meet someone, much less someone who understands me?” Lance shrugged, “I don't have the answer to that, JC.” JC smiled sideways at him, “What the hell good are you, anyway? I could have gotten that from Justin.” Lance laughed and moved back to lie on the bed, “Justin wouldn't have listened to you babble this long, and you know it. The attention span isn't there.” JC lay down next to him. “You're right. Well, even if I'm right back where I started, at least I like the rain now.” He closed his eyes. “Thanks, Lance.” “You're welcome, Josh.” Lance said, squeezing his hand, and he too closed his eyes. An hour later, Joey knocked on the door to Lance's room, “Hey guys,” he said, pushing the door open, “we're going to get something to eat.” He stopped talking when he realized Lance and JC were asleep. They lay side by side on Lance's king-sized bed, Lance's left arm and leg touching JC's right arm and leg. Joey smiled at the sight, wondering if they realized the bed was big enough for them to have plenty of room. He stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him. “Well,” Chris asked, “are they coming?” Joey smiled, “They're asleep, I thought I'd leave them alone.” Justin nodded, “Yeah, JC's kind of been out of it for a bit now, let him sleep.” The three grabbed their jackets and hastily scribbled a note for JC and Lance. As they headed towards the elevator, Joey realized something strange. Lance and JC had been holding hands.